Mama musings

For Anna

2012-02-24T20:06:00.006-08:00

**disclaimer, I wrote this Friday night and saved it, unpublished. Wasn't sure if I was ready to share it with the blogging world.

Dear Anna,

My wall almost broke today. The wall that I've had up since Monday, February 6th @ 11:31am when I stood next to our gate in the Orlando airport listening to the message that your dad left on my cell phone to call him. As I was listening, my call waiting beeped and I looked down to see that Brandy was calling me. I instantly knew, in that moment, that this was one of THOSE moments. One of those moments that would change my life forever. Never did I dream that the next few words I would hear that you were gone. That might have been the very last thing I ever would have expected to hear. I've kept that wall up so far. Because I don't think I have the strength to cope with the reality if that wall comes down.

While my kids have rest time, Tracy plays music. Its always just a random jumble of Disney songs, lullabies, etc. Today "You Are My Sunshine" came on. Until I was probably 17 or 18, I would immediately think of your Grandpa and my Grandma Nelsen. I remember my dad and grandma singing it to me when I was little. They probably sang it to your mom, too, because I know she sang it to you almost every night of your life. Even when you were in junior high and on a sleepover, you called home to have your mom sing to you. Whether you really "needed" to have her sing it to you so that you could go to sleep or if you were just being a typical pre-teen messing around with your mom, putting her on speakerphone so that your friends could hear, I'll never know. But I know your mom wouldn't care, you were her Sunshine and she would sing to you any time, any where. Because she loved you.

When I heard the familiar words, I reflexively started singing along in my mind. But then, when I realized what I was singing, what the song was, what it reminded me of, I had to stop. To put up my guard. To distract myself. To not think. To avoid thinking the words that would make me believe. I don't want to believe. I can't believe. Not yet. Part of me thinks that maybe I won't ever believe. I'll convince myself that you're too busy to talk, too busy to visit, that you don't care, that you don't need me. The way I've felt for the last few years. Its easier that way. Because there's still the potential of getting MY Anna Beth back. The small chance that you'll come to your senses and realize that you need me. That you want me to be part of your life. That I'll get back the Anna Beth that adored her Aunt Christi, the Anna Beth that Aunt Christi adored back. I lost that little girl a long time ago. But there was still hope. Hope that someday, she would come back around. Someday we would find our way back to each other. I NEED that hope. I'm not ready to give that hope up.

Regardless of the state of my wall, regardless of how you felt about me over the years, regardless of what I did or said, I loved you. And I love you still.

Always,
Aunt Christi

Thankful Thursday Week 4

2012-01-26T18:49:00.000-08:00

Really, 4 weeks into 2012 already? That went fast!

1. I"m thankful I started Thankful Thursday, it gives me something to blog about at least once a week. I should come up with other theme days!
2. I'm SUPER thankful this week for the employment opportunity that came my way. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I'm thankful that at least the ball is rolling ... perhaps the dream will become reality!
3. I'm thankful that it is the eve before our monthly Moms Breakfast AND that this month I will be going solo ... no plus 1 in the form of baby Blake. Love hanging out with my mommy friends from school, eating yummy food and drinking drug-laced coffee that leaves me jittery the rest of the day.
4. I'm thankful that I am NOT coaching Alyssa's cheerleading squad this year after sitting in for Coach Debbie tonight. WOW.
5. I'm thankful that I was invited to the most amazing speaker this past Tuesday. She was one of the most phenomenal speakers I've ever heard and did such a great job presenting her material. The presentation was supposed to be on how to set healthy boundaries for children, but I came away really reflecting on myself as a parent and inspired to change myself for the better.

Thankful Thursday Week 3

2012-01-20T19:47:00.000-08:00

(better a day late than not at all, right?)

Feeling it quite a bit of a funk tonight, so here's hoping this will be therapeutic for me.

1. I'm thankful for my place at my kids' school. After a PTA meeting Tuesday night where I was ambushed by multiple people with encouragement to run for PTA board (NO!), hours spent on the phone coordinating ideas for Teacher Appreciation week and a planning meeting last night where I felt like a VIP (very important parent?), I love my role as a parent volunteer. I love that I fit in with these moms, that my thoughts and ideas are respected (and appreciated) and that people look to me for leadership.
2. I'm thankful that Adam, Joel and I got to have lunch at school with our "wave of the week" Alyssa today. 2.5 ... I'm thankful I didn't spend $ on a school hot dog, the bite I did eat of Alyssa's was VERY rubbery.
3. I'm thankful for my friend Mollie who is my kindred spirit, my soul mate, the other pea in my pod, etc, etc.
4. I'm thankful that my dad is doing FABULOUSLY in his latest round of PT. And I'm just plain thankful for my dad. He is such a huge part of me. I'm very blessed to have the parents that I have.
5. I'm thankful that at my massage today instead of the normal "A 60 minute massage includes changing time, so you only actually get 45 - 50 minutes" mentality, I got a good 60+ minutes of much needed (kneaded?) mommy time. Is that what happens when you go to a professional instead of the massage therapy school?

Good to remember

2012-01-16T19:34:00.000-08:00

In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr I wanted to share a quote that I read today that really struck a chord with me (hopefully I will "muse" further in an upcoming entry) ...

"Whatever your life's work is, do it well" Martin Luther King, Jr.

So simple, yet so powerful and something I hope I strive for each day.

Meal Planner

2012-01-13T17:28:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my newest obsession, aka Pinterest, meal planning at the Koch house got a lot more organized and colorful this week!

I love it! Now if I could just work on the execution of said meal planning every night.

Baby steps, its still a work in progress. But its a pretty work in progress!!!

Thankful Thursday Week 2

2012-01-12T17:21:00.000-08:00

1. I'm thankful that its Thursday! Its the end of my work week ~ hooray!!!!
2. I'm thankful for the note that came home in Alyssa's folder today that read: "I am very sad because you are not her rite now mom. Love, Alyssa". Not that I ever want to her be sad, but its nice to know that she wants me around!
3. Along the same lines, I'm thankful that my mom is one of my best friends. I often feel very sad because she is not here right now, too.
4. I'm thankful that I have great friends that are willing to pick Alyssa up from school when its 10 degrees out so that I didn't have to load up 4 boys in the van after school.
5. I'm thankful that after 11 1/2 years together I still get butterflies in my stomach and feel giggly when I see Adam walk through the door.

Round 'em up!

2012-01-11T07:26:00.001-08:00

Today marks a big day for Joel (and for me) ~ kindergarten roundup!

I can so clearly remember going through this with Alyssa two years ago. I felt completely lost and overwhelmed, but I didn't want to show her that because I didn't want her to be nervous. So I put on my brave face and walked in clutching my handful of registration papers, but I'm sure I had that "this is my first time and I have no idea what I'm doing" look on my face. I remember I didn't know a single other person in the room. I remember looking around nervously and wondering which kids would become Alyssa's classmates, which ones would become Alyssa's friends, which ones would be the "anti-friend" and which parents would become my friends and support system as I sent my baby off to the big bad world of elementary school. :) I remember feeling hopeless as I listened to the principal, the secretary, school nurse and school counselor giving out overwhelming amounts of information about the rules and regulations of the school, their specific job and how they would interact with the kids. It was so foreign to me and so much to take in that I felt like all the information just washed over me and moved on to the row of parents behind me.

What a change 2 years can make! This year I will walk in confidently with my ONE piece of paper to register Joel (plus side of having him do preschool at the same school he will do kindergarten at, I've already filled out and signed the bajillions of forms!). I look forward to surveying the other kids and parents to look for how many familiar faces I will find. I feel excited to scope out Joel's potential new best friends and classmates! I'm even looking forward to hearing "the talk" from all the different professionals at the school because I feel like this time I might actually RETAIN the information that they give. And I might even learn something that I should have learned 2 years ago!

My sensitive boy

2012-01-06T18:53:00.000-08:00

We took Joel to see "Toy Story 3" as his first movie in the theater. Approximately 15 minutes into the movie he started sobbing uncontrollably. He was so sad that Woody and the other friends weren't together, that Buzz was turning "bad" and that they weren't all together in Andy's room anymore. He wanted to leave immediately and looked at me with tear-filled confused eyes as to why his mommy would put him through this kind of torture. Needless to say, I convinced him to stay because I didn't want him to have a phobia of theaters for the rest of his life. But it was REALLY hard at the end of the movie to convince him that this movie-going business was a good thing when I had tears rolling down my face (seriously, did ANY mom get through Toy Story 3 without crying the first 1/2 dozen times?). I kept telling him in a overly dramatic happy voice "See?! They're all together! And that new little girl is going to love them and play with them and they're all going to live happily ever after!". * insert loud nose blowing and sniffling on my part *

Fast forward to tonight when we were watching "Wizards of Waverly Place: Who Will Be the Family Wizard" on Disney channel. Joel had been talking about this particular episode for weeks. The last couple days every time he saw a WoWP episode or the movie he would get all excited and think that he was finally going to find out out who the family wizard was going to be. Anyway, what an emotional ride the show ended up being for Joel. I think he cried at least 3 times. He was so worried that Justin, Alex and Max were going to mad at each other forever and wanted to know where they were going to live when they sold the Sub Shop. And then the waterworks really started when he was trying to find comfort in the fact that he thought they still had "hand magic" even though they had to give up their wands and then found out that ALL their magic was taken away. Poor kid. And then there is his supportive, comforting mom attempting not to snort with laughter as I looked at his crestfallen face. He's definitely going to need therapy some day.

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-05T18:46:00.000-08:00

One of my "12 things to look forward to in 2012" talked about gratitude journals, so I'm going to try to do Thankful Thursdays where I post 5 things I'm thankful for. I just realized that if I do this every week this year (and if I'm doing my math right) I'll have over 250 things to be thankful for. That's a little overwhelming!

This week I am thankful for:

1. By far, my most thankful is having Adam home with us and amazingly 99% fine after having a "fairly significant" stroke on Friday at the age of 34.
2. Jimmy John's "Thinny Chips".
3. Vampire Diaries is back on after an 8 week break. I heart Vampires!
4. My kindle that Adam got me for Christmas.
5. 2 adorable kids that make me laugh every single day.

End of break

2012-01-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

I'm probably in the minority, but I'm really sad that the kids' (and my) winter break is coming to an end tomorrow. Back to school they go and back come Grant and Will. I've really, really, really enjoyed having just Alyssa and Joel home for 2+ weeks. And although it was partially illness-induced that I didn't have any "bonus" kids for 2 weeks its been really nice not "working" for 2 weeks. I'm sad to see it end. (Although I will welcome back the paycheck! ;) ) I've enjoying *almost* every pjs-till-noon, hanging out, puttering around, cuddling, napping, movie/tv watching, game playing, art project making moment and I don't want it to end!!! Usually I can't wait to send them back to school so that we can get back into our "normal" routine again and back to my attempt at an organized life, but I don't even really feel that way this year. Bah humbug end of winter break!

2012 - the year of the blog.

2012-01-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

I thought about titling this post "2012 - the year of the blog?" with a question mark, but decided on a period instead. This WILL be the year of the blog. The year that I get back to my mama musings, I've missed it! And hopefully there's still a couple people out to be my loyal readers and leave glowing comments! :)

So, starting off, 12 things that I'm looking forward to in 2012 (instead of making resolutions this year, seems a little more "in stone"). In no particular order:

1. Our second family vacation to Disney World for Joel's 5th birthday celebration! We leave a month from tomorrow!!!

2. Celebrating 10 years of marriage with Adam. Granted, we just celebrated 9 years 4 days ago, so we've got a ways to go, but I look forward to having a good, solid 10 years under our belt.

3. Seeing Alyssa's dance recital in June. She started at a new studio this year doing jazz instead of the usually tap and ballet and absolutely loves it. This studio feels more "professional" (without being TLC-reality show scary), so I'm looking forward to seeing her in a REAL recital since all her previous ones have felt like she's just jumping around/stomping her tap shoes.

4. Joel starting Kindergarten. EXTREMELY bittersweet, but I am amazed at the person he has blossomed into just being a part of the Saddlebrook's pre-k program I can't wait to see what they do with his when he's in "real" school!

5. Figuring out what I want to be when my kids "grow up". I feel confident that my time as a daycare provider is coming to and end along with having my own kids at home full time. I have a wide spectrum of possibilities in front of me and I'm looking forward to seeing what path I will be lead down. Right now I think taking up part time residence in Archivers and catching up on all my scrapbooking is in the lead. ;)

6. Keeping up with my blog! I've been reading a lot/hearing a lot about thankfulness or gratitude journals and I love the idea of them. This past Thanksgiving my mother-in-law had us all write down what we were thankful for on a piece of paper then we "locked" it in a box and she plans to have us read it next Thanksgiving. It was really thought provoking to write down all the wonderful blessings I have in my life.

7. Becoming a stronger presence in the kids' elementary school. I've pretty much decided to take over the room parent coordination job next year, which will allow me to interact with more staff and more parents. I'm excited to get even deeper into the Saddlebrook community.

8. Rediscovering my inner bookworm. Adam got me a Kindle for Christmas and I am LOVING it so far! Its strange, but I find when I'm reading books on my Kindle that its much easier for me to put it down, whereas when I'm reading an actual book I tend to get sucked in and stay up too late or ignore what I should be doing in order to hurry up and see how the book ends! Of course, I've only had the Kindle for a week, so this may change.

9. Establishing regular "family time". My goal is to start with one night per month, always the same night. I feel like the kids are getting to the point where we can more easily enjoy a family night together whether it be pizza and a movie or playing board games. Its important to me that Alyssa and Joel grow up with that sense of connection and I think they're reaching a good age to start solidifying it.

10. Becoming a more regular attendee of Stone Bridge Christian Church and getting involved through volunteering with the children's programs. I finally feel like I've found a "church home" after searching for almost 15 years, I'm looking forward to getting more established and settled and making it my "own".

11. Becoming healthier. This isn't your standard "I'm going to lose _____ lbs this year" or "I will weigh _____ pounds by the end of the year" or "I will wear a size _____" statement. Yes, I would like to lose weight, but I don't know if that will/can happen. I do know that I can be better able eating healthier (and providing healthier meals/choices for my family) and that I can be more consistent with taking my supplements, vitamins, etc. And I am going to encourage our family to get out and be more active together.

12. After losing Adam's cousin, Jana, this past summer and struggling with watching my dad's health deteriorate, I've learned to really appreciate the time that I have with the people I love. Not to say that I don't feel sad and depressed when I think about what "could have been", but I try to remind myself of what I've had that other people don't get the chance to have. And I try to be more aware of how quickly my babies won't want to cuddle with me or won't want me to read book or kiss them goodnight. I try to appreciate the small things each day. And I look forward to the small moments of love, laughter, inspiration and happiness that 2012 holds for me.

And to end this first blog post of 2012: Alyssa's New Year's Resolution: To do a cartwheel.

Note to self: Look into gymnastics camp to help Alyssa achieve her resolution. :)

Disney Day 1

2009-10-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Our day started bright and early with Adam and I getting up around 4:30 and the kids getting up shortly after 5. We were out the driveway by 5:15 with Alyssa and Joel still in their jammies ... and me wishing that I was still in mine. This trip marked Joel's first plane ride, but Alyssa had flown with me to Colorado in May, so she was a seasoned veteran. She took Joel under her wing, per usual, to make sure that he had a good first flight.

As soon as we stepped on the plane the flight attendants were really sweet to Alyssa and Joel and let them check out the cockpit. Then the pilot got out of his seat so that the kids could sit up front and I could take pictures. Then the co-pilot turned the microphone/speaker on and tried to get Alyssa to give a "shoutout to her Daddy in row 12", but she wasn't going for it. :)

Joel's "what do you mean I have to take my binky out for a picture" face.

I can't say enough wonderful things about the "Magical Express" transporation available to people staying at the Disney resorts. We walked up to a counter after we landed, showed them our baggage claim stub, then loaded a bus and our luggage "magically" arrived in our hotel room about 3 hours later.

We checked in at Disney's Caribbean resort and got to our room in "Jamaica", then headed off to check out the Downtown Disney area. My favorite stop was Goofy's Candy Company which housed THE. BEST. CUPCAKES. I have ever tasted in my life. I would go back just to get another one.

The kids had a lot of fun at the lego tables outside the Lego store and I was overwhelmed by the "wall 'o legos" - every color you could imagine.

The kids also loved the animated animals, especially the crocodile/alligator outside the Rainforest Cafe. We got back to our hotel room in time to enjoy our water view - both the lake and the pool - and a Floridian sunset.

Perfect fall day at the apple orchard

2009-10-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday we got the pleasure of spending the morning at the apple orchard with some of our favorite people ~ the Kleffman family! Joel's favorite part was definitely the "tractor ride" (we actually rode in a wagon) that took us out to the apple trees and Alyssa said her favorite part was playing at the park/playground they had on site. But they both enjoyed picking the apples, too. I was surprised at how many apples the kids were actually able to pick because they were close to the ground. I'd only be apple picking once and I remember having to use this "basket on a stick" to pull apples down. Alyssa was all about the "baby" apples ... we brought a couple home, but I don't think they'll go very far towards our homemade applesauce!

All in all it was a great way to spend a perfect fall morning - thanks to Dee and the kids for including us this year.

Charlie, Sammy, Evan, Alyssa and Joel

Alyssa and her "baby" apple

Love

2009-09-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I was curled up with Alyssa in her bed, she was rambling on about this and that, per usual. Immediately after she stated that she loved pink, I asked her if she knew what *I* loved.

She instantly rolled over to look at me with a small smile and said in a coy little voice, "Me?"

To which I replied, "Exactly".

Exactly, Alyssa. I love you.

One of my greatest hopes is that my kids always know that I love them with all my heart. That they never for a split second doubt that they are my entire world. That even when there is steam pouring out of my ears, even when I am screaming at the top of my lungs, even when I am dragging them kicking and screaming into the corner, even when I am threatening to list them on craigslist, I love them. With all that I am.

And tonight, I am reassured that at least so far, I'm not doing too bad of a job.

Twas the night before preschool ...

2009-09-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

Even though the temperatures have been WAY below normal for the last several weeks. Even though the neighborhood kids have been in school for 3 weeks or more. Even though we haven't touched our swimming suits in more than 3 weeks and I can't remember the last time I hooked up the sprinkler, the end of summer is looming on the horizon here at our house.

I'm a little torn.

I'm excited for Alyssa to start preschool again. She's been bored to tears since all her neighborhood friends went back to school 3 weeks ago. Last year was a wonderful preschool year for her and I hope that this year will be even better. We chose to keep her in the 3 day a week class instead of moving her up to the 5 day a class - one of the tougher decisions that I've made in my 5ish years of mommyhood, but I feel like it was the right one. Its my hope that she'll break out of her shell a little since she'll be one of the older kids and take on some leadership. She'll be with the teacher that she really wanted and her friend Isabella from last year will be in her class, so I really don't worry about her.

I'm excited for Joel to start his "toddler time" class (hereafter referred to as OPPG or over-priced play group). Had I known how much he would blossom over the summer I'm not sure I would have signed him up for it, but I think in the end it'll be good for him to go. And at least half of his class is made up of boys, so it'll be good for him to be around some testosterone. When he and I went shopping for stickers for his bucket last Sunday he immediately made a beeline for the big princess castle sticker covered in pink sparkles ... not that there's anything wrong with that! He was fairly easily distracted by the Lightening McQueen and Mader stickers, though.

And I think my Wednesday mornings to myself are going to be good for me. For my sanity and for my stress level, which hopefully in turn will make me an even better mommy and wife.

I'm looking forward to having the structure and schedule that preschool insists upon for 3 days of our week. But there is a little part of me that is sad to see our carefree days of summer end. The days of going to the gym if/when the mood struck were nice. Or of staying in our jammies until the middle of the afternoon or heading off the zoo or the park on a whim. Or just sitting around and doing nothing. But that's what Tuesdays and Thursdays are for, right?

Stay tuned for first day of school pictures coming soon ... and hopefully with the start of the new school year I will mark the return of regular blogging!

Big Day

2009-09-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked a very big day at our house ... Alyssa lost her first tooth! I was totally floored even though I should have expected it on some level. She seems so young since she doesn't even turn 5 until next month. But I was 4 1/2 when I lost my first tooth and when we went to the dentist about 5 months ago they mentioned that her front teeth were a little loose and that she would be on the earlier end.

I had found these adorable "tooth fairy" pillows online a few months ago that I fell in love with. They had all sorts of "themes" like princesses, ballet, butterflies etc for girls and tractors, balls, cars, dinosaurs etc for boys and are personalized with the child's name. And have a "pocket" to put the lost tooth in. In the back of my mind I thought I would get one for Alyssa for Christmas. Whoops! :) So we were a little "unconventional" with our Tooth Fairy process. I told Alyssa that she could pick out what kind of pillow she wanted the Tooth Fairy to send her, then we would write a letter to her letting her know that she lost a tooth and asking her to send the pillow. Then I explained that she would put her tooth in the "pillow pocket" and the Tooth Fairy would take her tooth and leave her money while she was sleeping. So we wait for the pillow to arrive in the mail ~ and it buys the Tooth Fairy's local assistant some time to hit the bank for sacagawea dollars!

We had gotten home from the gym and the kids were playing while I was in the shower. Alyssa came upstairs and was absolutely hysterical. It took several tries before I realized that she was wailing "my tooth is going to fall ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut"! I figured she probably just bumped it and thought it was loose, but got out of the shower to calm her down and check. Sure enough her tooth was wobbly as all get out. I barely had to pull at all to get it to come out, all the while thinking "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh" - loose teeth give me the heebie jeebies and I was so not expecting this to happen so soon! I felt horrible that Alyssa was so upset. We hadn't really talked about losing teeth yet, so I think she thought that she had "broken" her tooth. I explained that it happens to everyone and that she'll get new, bigger teeth and that its just a sign that she's growing up. She perked up really fast when I told her about the Tooth Fairy bringing her money. :)

Interesting side note: I lost my first tooth when I was using my teeth to try to pull a mitten off in the winter. Alyssa was using her teeth to try to tighten her bike helmet strap. Like mother, like daugther. We then had a long talk about how teeth are only for chewing food/gum and not to be used as a tool.

All in all, she's pretty proud of her new "hole" and the fact that she can stick her tongue through it. I think she looks absolutely adorable, but I can wait for her new teeth to come in. I'm afraid she'll look too big then.

And again I'm reminded how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my kids. I'm so thankful that it was me that got to pull out her first tooth and be there to wipe away her tears and celebrate with her ... to be there to watch those little milestone moments first hand.

Its Official!

2009-08-05T18:21:00.000-07:00

Free Disney Tickers

I booked our Disney trip today! We'll be staying at the Caribbean Beach resort in a waterview room near one of the pools (there are 7, I think). Our flight gets into Orlando at about 3PM the day before Alyssa's birthday, so we'll be ready to hit the Magic Kingdom bright and early on her big day, starting the day off with a character breakfast with Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore, and Piglet. The next day we'll have a character breakfast with Lilo, Stitch, Mickey and Pluto before heading back to our hotel to hang out at the pools, playgrounds, etc for the rest of the day. That night we'll go to "Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party", which I'm really excited to check out. Then we'll head to the airport the next day around noon. Short and sweet, but I think its going to be a really fantastic trip ... and so far I'm on budget!!!

Big day!

2009-07-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

After Joel woke us up this morning by popping up next to Adam in our room, we decided that a trip to the "big bed" store would be in order this fine Sunday. So off we all went to pick out Joel's big bed. He and Daddy took the crib down and got the bed set up while Alyssa and I were at a movie and it was absolutely adorable how excited/proud was to show off his big bed when we got home. I ran out to Target and found some great deals on new bedding, then Joel and I got the bed all "dressed up" while Daddy and Alyssa were at the park.

Breaking in the bed ... 1 little monkey Joel jumping on the bed!

Ready for the big boy

Reading books

Out like a light ...

after a few excursions out to the hallway to check out what Mommy and Daddy were up to, of course! Overall it didn't go too badly - so far, but its only 9:30. :) I think it helped that he has slept in a big bed at Grandma and Poppa's with Alyssa a few times. He has been such a fantastic sleeper going down around 8PM and waking up around 8 or 8:30 AM and then taking a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. I hope his sleep habits transition into the big bed with him!

And for anyone who is wondering, I have broken down in tears several times today as I think about my big guy. Sitting here tonight it seems so weird to me that for the first time in almost 5 years there is not a crib set up somewhere in my house.

Vacation - Colorado '09

2009-06-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

The Friday before Memorial Day Alyssa, my parents, and I flew to Colorado for my niece's high school graduation. We had a great trip. Alyssa was a fantastic traveler and enjoyed her first plane ride. She kept asking me why we were going so slow, which I realized it does kind of seem like if you don't "know" how quickly you're flying. And she had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that the "other plane" that she could see out the window was actually the wing of our plane. And it was cute how concerned she was about our suitcase when we checked it at the airport.

It was a weekend full of tension due to a couple ex-wive's and people who normally wouldn't want to be anywhere near each other. But everyone was on their best behavior for the most part and I was so glad that I could be there to see Brandy graduate. Glad and very, very proud. She has turned into such a wonderful, thoughtful and caring young lady. And I have a new reason to be thankful for my iPod - put a few cartoons/kid shows on that thing and its a great way to entertain a 4 year old while waiting for airplanes and at boring graduation ceremonies!

I also got to have coffee one morning with a friend of mine from high school that I've recently reconnected with. We had a great time catching up and it was fun to be "high school" Christi for a couple hours. He is one of the very few people in my life who doesn't know me as Adam's wife or Alyssa and Joel's mom ... I'm just Christi.

A highlight for me was that I got to take Alyssa (along with my mom and youngest niece) to "Santa's Workshop/North Pole" which is just outside of Colorado Springs nestled towards the bottom of Pikes Peak. Its a place that my parents took me when I was just a little older than Alyssa and I have fond memories of it. Alyssa had a great time riding the rides; the first time she's really be to an amusement park type place. She was nervous about seeing Santa at his house and didn't want much to do with feeding the deer, but she was very excited about riding the ferris wheel with her cousin Anna and I. I don't think she understood why I wouldn't let her wave at Grandma as she was trying to take a picture while we were at the top of the ferris wheel, though. :)

Other highlights of the trip were our visit to "Territory Days" in Old Colorado City (at least until it started pouring rain) and for Alyssa ~ jumping on the trampoline, playing airhockey, and finishing up a long day in the hot tub. Uncle Mark's house is almost like a resort!

Out of the mouths of (my) babes ...

2009-06-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

One of Joel's newest/cutest things he'll say is "pretty please" - although it comes out "pea peas?" I'm not entirely sure where he picked it up, but he uses it without prompting (most of the time) and its absolutely adorable.

A couple weeks ago we were getting into the car after attending my goddaughter, Janika's, first birthday party. Alyssa had been eating these first birthday mints that Angie had found somewhere all afternoon and I happened to unwrap another one for her and one for Joel as we were all getting settled into the car. Then from the backseat I heard:

"You suck Joel!"

My heart skipped a beat as my head whipped around to look at Adam to see if he had heard what I had heard. And I wondered where on earth Alyssa had learned that and what Joel had done to deserve such a response. I breathed MUCH easier, though, when that line was followed by:

"Don't chew, suck!"

She was just watching out for her little brother ... making sure that he knew the ropes of proper mint eating.

Alyssa's Dance Recital

2009-06-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

Last weekend marked the end of Alyssa's second year of dance with the spring recital. I'm still not overly impressed with the studio we have her at because I'm not seeing a lot of "technique" being learned, but she has a great time jumping around, tiptoeing, stomping, clapping, etc with her friends, so that's what matters, right?

I was so proud of her while watching her do her dances. I took all my pictures during dress rehearsal Friday night, so Saturday night for the actual performance I could just watch. I think too often I get so caught up in trying to capture moments on camera that I forget to actually watch what the kids are doing. It warmed my heart to see her up on stage, doing what she was supposed to be doing (for the most part) and just watching her face light up because she was having so much fun.

Her ballet routine was a song called "Bake Sale" that was actually "sung" by Minnie Mouse ~ lots of "this is for the bake sale, Mickey, please don't touch!" lines and the girls had a great time wagging their fingers.

Tap routine was a song called "Fiesta" and Alyssa's favorite part was that she got to count to 4 in Spanish. :) I would guess that she would say that this one was her favorite ... maybe just because tap shoes make a lot more noise than ballet slippers!

Then and Now

2009-05-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

Alyssa on her first day of preschool

Alyssa on her last day of preschool

Maybe its just me, but I can't get over how much older she looks in the second picture. I'm a nerd to dress her the same, I know, but I love being able to compare the two!

29 years

2009-05-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

Today is my 29th birthday.

Unlike some people, I welcome the end of my 20s. I have a small list of things I want to accomplish in the next year that I've been referring to as my "20s bucket list" (aka things I want to do before my 20s "kick the bucket) that I'm looking forward to. Most of all that I want to run (okay, maybe jog) a 5K. I'm leaning towards the Susan Komen Race for the Cure in October, but after sharing this with my friend Paula, she suggested that we do one together either when she comes to visit me here or when I go out there ... heck, maybe I'll do 2! I never thought that I would ever, ever, ever be the type of person who wanted to do an organized athletic event, but I really hope to do it. Along with that I hope that I will end my 20s on a healthy note. I want to have made exercise a daily part of life for me and my family and finally reach a healthy weight/BMI.

As I sit here tonight I'm slightly in awe of all the birthday wishes, calls, e-mails, messages, etc that I've received today. I am really, really blessed to have such amazing friends and family - I have a wonderful support system in my life.

I'm thankful that I'm at this point in my life with a husband who I love more today than the day I married him (even if, or maybe because, he bought me RAM* for my computer for my birthday and installed it in my computer several weeks ago without me knowing/realizing). I'm thankful that I have two perfect-for-me children. They are far from traditional perfection, but I wouldn't know what to do without them. I'm thankful that I have the friends that I have. People who I can count on for anything, any time. And I'm thankful for the woman who brought me into this world 29 years ago today who after through all we've been through, good and bad, I now consider one of my best friends. Since becoming a mom myself I think of my mom differently every year on my birthday. I realize that this day is not just about me, but its about her, too. And I'm thankful for her.

To those of you who are reading this who reached out via phone, e-mail, card, gift, cheesecake, or facebook and helped this be such a wonderful birthday ... thank you from the bottom of my heart. I expected my day to be very ordinary, but it turned out pretty darn extraordinary.

* Adam and the kids also got me an iHome docking station for my iPod, gift certificate to LL Bean for a toiletry bag that I'd been lusting after, new earphones for my iPod, and Mario Kart for the Wii ... it wasn't all RAM. And Chinese food and a GIANT chocolate cake. Adam did very well. ;)

The clothesline

2009-04-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

Good for the environment and hours of entertainment for the kids ... its a win-win situation!

Until said children decide to sit *inside* the fitted sheet and pull the whole line down.

And for anyone who cares ... this was taken about 10 minutes before Alyssa decided to show off how she can turn the hose on by herself and proceeded to soak all the sheets again. *sigh* Do they make baby proofing something-or-others for hoses?

Goose!

2009-04-05T08:32:00.000-07:00

Joel was playing outside Friday afternoon with Alyssa and Braden from across the street when he face planted onto our cement patio. I heard his head hit the concrete before I saw him fall. It took me about 30 seconds to get up, grab him and sit back down then pull him away from me so that I could survey the damage and already a golfball sized lump had appeared on his forehead. Made my stomach turn to see it. Sherry, our friend/neighbor across the street, decided that from here on out she's going to call him "Goose" - we decided it would be a pretty cool nickname to have in 15 years when we're watching him go off to prom. :) The pictures don't do it justice, but I had to document it for an "ouch" scrapbooking page. Thanks for the idea, Angie!

in good spirits ... making faces as mommy was trying to take pictures.

Cuteness 4-1 ... the Alyssa edition

2009-04-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

Cuteness 4-1 ... the Joel edition

2009-04-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

New school

2009-03-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

Since we moved into our "new" house almost 3 years ago I've been very excited about the fact that they are building a brand new elementary school just a couple blocks away. We've had fun watching the buildings being built (its going to be an entire "campus" with a public library and community center along with the school) and watching all the progress. Almost every time we drive past Alyssa points out her "pink school". (The insulation they used was pink, so before they put up the outside walls, it looked like it was going to be a pink school ... I think she may be disappointed when she realizes that its going to be brick) This morning I was reading a thread on my October mom's board where one of the moms commented that it was much hard than expected when they took their oldest to school. To the school where they had walked by hundreds of times and she had told her son that that was where he was going to go to school someday. And then suddenly someday was there and off he went.

That got me to thinking about being at our house without Alyssa (or heaven-forbid without Joel ... I got through the first day of preschool because I still had Joel to clutch on to, I don't even want to *think* about leaving him at school) and being able to look out the windows and see the big-bad-monster school that has snatched my babies away from me. I wonder how difficult it would be to transfer them somewhere else ...

Must not think of this ... still a year and a half away ...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

Actually, I just wanted an excuse to show off the beautiful daffodils that my handsome hubby bought me, but they are flanked by my some of my St Patrick's day decor, so I'm making it work. :) And offering a sneak preview of the new paint color in the entry way for anyone who cares!

So giving ...

2009-03-16T18:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend while grocery shopping I picked up a new box of "cookies" for Alyssa and Joel. They're actually mini ritz crackers with frosting stuff in the middle. So tonight Alyssa was looking for a bedtime snack, so I pulled them out and let her try them. I told her that she could have more if she wanted, but that she needed to share them with Joel. About 5 minutes later she told me that she was being a very good sharer ... she licked the frosting out of the middle and then Joel's job was to eat the crackers.

Nice.

The crocuses are coming! The crocuses are coming!!!

2009-03-05T05:50:00.001-08:00

With promises of a high of 64 today, I looked out the front door and longingly imagined our front yard filled with its rainbow of tulips, daffodils and other random flowers that I can't remember the names for. But I didn't expect to see the best "news" I've gotten in a long time ... my crocuses are coming up!!! The first little harbinger of spring, I've been anxiously awaiting my little orange beauties to pop their head out of the ground and they're coming! They are just tiny little shoots of green so far, but maybe this there is hope for this LOOONNNGG winter to come to an end before we all go crazy.

Dear World:

2009-03-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

Would it be easier to keep my house clean if it were smaller because it would take less time to clean? Or would it be even worse then because we have so much stuff that we wouldn't have room for everything and there would just constantly be "stuff" without a place that would be messing the house up?

Signed,
Wondering on 150th St.

PS - I got the kids' rooms cleaned (picked up, vacuumed, dusted, windows washed, and febreezed - because it smells like dog after we vacuum) and the kids' bathroom cleaned this morning while Alyssa was a pre-school. Felt SO great. Until I walked around the corner to see the rest of the house in all its glorious chaos. I can't remember the last time my entire house was picked up. If ever. Maybe when we walked through it for the first time when we were house shopping.

What's wrong with this conversation?

2009-03-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

Me: Alyssa, you've already had 3 fruit snacks today, you're not having anymore.
Alyssa: (while holding fruit snack) I'm just going to take this upstairs to my room to look at it.
Me: If you eat that you're going to be in very big trouble.
Alyssa: I'm just so hungry!
Me: I'm going to go upstairs to change my clothes and then I'll find you something to eat.
Alyssa: NO!
Me: You have three choices: You can eat that fruit snack and get in very big trouble, you can eat nothing, or you can wait 2 minutes for me to find you something to eat.

Guess who is in very big trouble and proud of it. At least she admitted to me that she ate the fruit snack, right?

I probably shouldn't have even given her the option of getting into very big trouble.

The "after" shots

2009-03-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

Per requests ... pictures of Alyssa's handiwork.

Haircuts

2009-03-01T17:37:00.000-08:00

Alyssa and Joel have an appointment with Ms. Sharon on Tuesday to have their hair cut, but evidently Alyssa thought that they needed them asap. As in tonight. So she took matters into her own hands. I don't think she cut anything but her bangs and Joel's bangs; thankfully I didn't see any place that looked like she had cut her sides/back.

I know its basically a rite of passage for a kid and that almost everyone has done it/will do it, but I didn't realize how stressful it would be on me as a parent. I wonder now if we punished her appropriately, if I handled the situation correctly (or to the best of my ability), etc. As I was putting her to bed she told me that she didn't want to go to preschool or swimming lessons tomorrow, so I think she's embarrassed by what she did. Which on one hand I'm glad that she realizes that she did something wrong and realizes that there are consequences to her actions and I hope that she's just embarrassed because she did something wrong, not because she looks silly. Because that's not a pressure that I want my 4 year old to feel.

It makes me sad to have to punish her because this went beyond the "naughty corner" in our (or at least my) parenting book and I'm not used to dealing with those situations. She didn't seem overly upset by her punishment (straight to bed about 40 minutes early, no books/cuddle time with mommy), so I feel like maybe it fit the "crime" because I think she knew better than to argue. I keep telling myself that if I were being *too* hard on her there would have been a lot more tears and carrying on rather than just acceptance.

She did ask me why Joel was getting to watch "Olivia" all by himself because "his hair is short, too!". I told her that he didn't cut his own hair, or his little brother's hair, for that matter and she muttered "I shouldn't have cut Joel's hair" before rolling over and going to sleep. I wonder if I would have reacted that same way if she would have just cut her own hair.

Everything but the kitchen sink

2009-02-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

This morning as I was getting Alyssa out of the car to take her into preschool I caught a glimpse of a white piece of paper in her bucket that I hadn't seen before. My heart sank as I read "Attention Parents ... " and then the note proceeded to instruct us that it was "things that go" week and requesting that each child bring a vehicle-type toy to preschool on Friday (today). Whoops! But then I realized what I was standing next to. My very own "has everything in it but the kitchen sink" backseat bonanza! A little bit of digging around and ta-da ... one toy train!

It seems like almost daily I curse the state of my backseat and its 12 inches of trash, clothes, toys, etc, but today it came in handy.

Reminded me of the time last summer that we met the Kleffmans/Kleffmen at McDonald's to learn that we had to provide socks for our kids to be able to play in the play place. A little digging around in the backseat and presto ... 2 pairs of socks!

My excuse ...

2009-02-18T13:44:00.000-08:00

I guess it hasn't really been *that* long since I've blogged, but it feels like forever.

I blame the cult that is "Twilight" (and the rest of the series). I've become infatuated with the books, the movie, searching Youtube for film clips and the internet for interviews/news, etc. I think I need a 12 step program.

So that's my excuse. I blame Paula for insisting that she needed to overnight the first book to me after she read it. She's such a bad influence. ;)

Realization

2009-02-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

I had a flooring guy come out today to do an estimate to have our wood floors sanded/refinished. As he was walking me through "the process" he mentioned that for 3 or 4 days we would have to stay off the floors for 8-10 hours while everything sealed. It was about then that I realized that every entrance (short of windows) in or out of our house connects directly to our wood floors. That makes things a little more challenging.

I have two thoughts:
1. I wonder if we could convince our insurance company that they needed to cover a hotel room for us for 4 days while the floors were finished. I could handle hanging out at CoCo Key for 4 days.
2. I wonder if my parents would still be speaking with us if we came to stay with them for 4 days.

Either way, I think we need to wait until the weather warms up before we do it so that regardless of where the kids and I end up we can spend time outside.

Happy 2nd Birthday Joel!

2009-02-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

Just a quick birthday post ~ but I'm including pictures, so that makes up for the briefness. Poor Joel had to endure a shopping trip with Grandma, Alyssa, and mommy for most of his birthday, but we did have lunch at Carlos O'Kelly's where he got to have chips and salsa, chicken strips, pizza, and french fries. Does it really get better than that? Plus a drink with a STRAW! Our friends Eric, Angie, Lenka, Janika, and Chad came over tonight for Taco Bell (we must be pushing Mexican food on Joel) and birthday cupcakes that were made almost completely by Alyssa. I dumped the cake mix in the bowl, but she added all the ingredients and mixed it up. Then I frosted them, but she did all the sprinkles!

Yummy cupcakes!

Birthday loot

With one of his favorite presents - a remote control "Cars" Sherriff car. It was a riot watching him figure it out at first ... Adam was controling it and Joel kept trying to grab it, but always *just* missed it. I'm still not completely sure that he knows that he can decide where it goes, but he has a good time with it and that's all that matters. And I think its pretty sweet that Adam picked it out all by himself. If memory serves me correctly, he also gave our buddy Evan a remote control car when he turned two, which Evan's mommy didn't appreciate so much. This was before we were married, so I had no control over his gift giving habits. ;) Anyway, Joel, Alyssa, and Lenka loved chasing the car around and Janika seemed to think watching the "big kids" run around was a hoot.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby boy. I love you more than you'll ever know.

Stay tuned for party pictures after the big bash on Saturday!

Birthdays in this day and age ...

2009-01-26T05:58:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how different birthdays and birthday parties are from when I was younger.

It all started when I was unloading Alyssa and Joel from the car to go to our little buddy Sammy's birthday party. Alyssa innocently asked, "What birthday is Sammy having?" and I assumed that she was asking how old he was turning. I told her that he was turning two years old and she replied, "No, I mean ... puppies or monkeys or Fancy Nancy or Hannah Montana ... ". It didn't help that just that week we had been looking through a birthday party catalog and she had planned out every birthday party for both her and Joel for the next 7 years - she had themes on the mind. So it really got me to thinking how she doesn't know birthday parties that don't have a theme. Not horrible in the grand scheme of what some kids her age think of when they think of birthday parties.

Then a couple weeks ago I was getting an adjustment from my chiropractor before we went another kid birthday party and Dr. C asked me if the party was "anywhere fun" when I finished telling him our plans for the rest of the weekend. I immediately replied, "No, just at his house", which I didn't think twice about until Dr. C responded with a dejected "Oh." Like its not a "real" party in this day and age unless you GO somewhere.

And the final icing on the birthday cake (ha) has come with the planning off Alyssa's bff Sophie's birthday. I started feeling uneasy when her mom told me that about 20 kids were invited ... about 5 that Sophie really knows, the rest are her parents co-worker's kids. Kids that she probably saw last year at her birthday party and has probably been to their parties, but not necessarily kids that she would care whether they were there or not. I just kept thinking "quality not quantity". It was held at a local cake decorating place. Which the kids did all have fun eating icing and getting to decorate a mini-two tiered cake that they got to take home - I will say that. But I came home feeling really sad. Sophie sat a table with her mom's co-workers kids. And the ones that probably mattered the most - Alyssa, her parents good friends little boy, and another little girl from the neighborhood that she plays with frequently - were stuck at a table way in the back. Alyssa probably got about 2 minutes of "face time" with Sophie the entire time we were there. And most of that was when Alyssa was called up to present her present to Sophie. She got to stand there while Sophie opened it, the woman who owned the place announced what it was, then Alyssa was quickly shoo-ed back to her seat. It reminded me of Ralphie getting kicked down the "Santa slide" during "A Christmas Story". I don't think Alyssa or Sophie probably thought anything of it, but it made me sad that the party felt so structured and "sterile". And Sophie's parents just sat off to the side and watched. I would totally want to be involved with my kids' parties. I would want to be the one helping them open their presents, not some woman who had never met them before. I feel like the main reason for a birthday party is to get together with the people who love you and to celebrate. Hang out, let the kids play, have a good time, go with the flow ... which is not what I witnessed yesterday.

Last night we were talking about the day and Alyssa told me that when she turns 5 she wants a Hannah Montana party. But then she said something that warmed my heart and made me feel like maybe there's hope for me to raise a "good" kid, who doesn't come to expect all the frill and hubbub ... "but I just want to stay home for my party, Mommy". No problem.

What's wrong with this picture?

2009-01-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

aka "Overheard at Daycare"

"Joel, that's Will's purse. Please give it back to Will and we'll go find your purse"
*insert Will and Joel both screaming "MINNNEEEEEEEEEEE!" at the same time*
"Where's Joel's purse? That's Will's, buddy, let's go find yours. Where's the pink polka dot purse?"
*Will brings me me Joel's polka dot purse, so I not-so-gently remove the cherry purse from Joel's clutches*
*Joel cries*
"Joel! Look what I'm putting in your purse ... its a barbie! Look, there's a barbie in your purse!"

The tears finally subsided when he discovered the Hannah Montana microphone that had been "lost" on top of the washing machine. "its the best of both worlds!!!!!!"

I'm kind of afraid to take him over to the Kleffmans' house ... he might get beat up.

Now our boy Joel is hoarding all of his toys in a pile and if you even look at him he roars at you. Methinks the terrible twos arrived just on schedule. *sigh*

But he did just offer me some of his cheez-its, so maybe there's still hope for him.

Professionalism, please

2009-01-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

I have struggled with one of my daycare families for several months now. Really since they started ~ I "lovingly" refer to one of their children as the "poopinator" - an almost 4 year old who would routinely take off his pull up during naptime and get poop all over my furniture, carpet, etc. For the last 3 months I have jumped through hoops for them when they decided that they wanted to drop from two days a week to one day a week without any formal "warning". Then they wanted to change their hours so that their kids got dropped off about 15 minutes before my schedule naptime. Then about 3 weeks ago they decided they needed two days a week again and promised to get in touch with me so we could discuss a schedule. Getting in touch with me last week was calling at 6:30 Sunday night to see if I wanted to watch the kids on Monday. Getting in touch with me this week was e-mailing me Sunday afternoon to inform me that they had hired a nanny to come to their house and wouldn't be needing me anymore. Credit to them they did offer to bring their kids for two more weeks since I have a "two week notice" clause in my contract.

My first thought was to e-mail back and say, "Screw you, forget it ... good riddance". I was horribly upset. I was so relieved when they announced that they were going to go back to two days a week because it would make our money situation a lot more comfortable and now we're losing that income all together. I'm not sorry to see them go at all because its been nothing but issues and stress and annoyances with them since they started. But I am sorry to see the paycheck go.

But as I've thought about it more and more, I think the thing that upsets me the most is that she felt the need to tell me via an e-mail. Didn't even have the respect/courtesy to call me and tell me "in person". Almost since the start of our "relationship" I have felt that these parents appreciated everything I have done for them, but didn't have a lot of RESPECT for me ... and that's something that I think really stinks. I am the last person that wants to engage in any sort of confrontation, but be an adult for crying out loud!

I know everything will work out and I know that I will be a lot happier having this family out of my life, but for now I just want to be as childish as the mom is/was and just tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine (for Adam ... Seattle, Washington). But I'm going to sleep on it and then respond tomorrow. Or as Adam suggested, wait until Wednesday night since Thursday is their "regular" daycare day.

I'm first!

2009-01-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this on here before or not, but the past couple weeks Alyssa has been obsessed with screaming "I'm first" and throwing herself right up against me (to prevent anyone else being able to get anywhere close to me and possibly getting something before her) when I'm making breakfast, handing out snacks, trying to get kids dressed etc. Joel has picked up on her habit, so I swear one of his first full sentences was "I first!" (it was either that or "I'm a dog" which he regularly says as he's crawling around on all fours and panting).

This afternoon I was handing out fruit snacks and Alyssa started getting pouty because I handed one to Joel before she could proclaim that she was supposed to be first. I told her that she could be first next time and reminded her that she and Joel had to take turns. Then I asked her if she wanted any Nilla Wafers and she was very excited about the prospect, so I handed her two of them. I then gave 2 to Joel and she handed hers back to me and said that she didn't really want them, she just wanted to be first.

Ah, kids.

Quotable Christmas

2008-12-25T18:57:00.000-08:00

A few quotes from our house the last couple days that make me smile and that I want to remember ...

Last night at church during the candle lighting portion of the service, Joel looked at the candle in Alyssa's hand and proclaimed "ohhhh! HOT!!!" in a very loud voice. I heard quite a few giggles from behind us.

Tonight I was letting Alyssa do my make up with her make up kit that Santa brought her. When she was finished, she proclaimed that it was my turn to "decorate" her.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I always remember an orange (or maybe in a pinch an apple) being stuffed into the toe of my stocking on Christmas morning, so Santa does that for Alyssa and Joel, too. This afternoon Alyssa told me that she had been worried because she forgot to tell Santa that she wanted an orange for Christmas and was quite relieved that he had put one in her stocking anyway. Whatever, weirdo! ;)

Even with the "low" this morning regarding the basketball hoop, overall we had a pretty great Christmas. Lots of wonderful gifts from friends and family, yummy steak and potatoes for Christmas dinner, the entire family got to take naps this afternoon, and a day where I didn't worry about cleaning or laundry (much). Just a day focused on really doing nothing but enjoying Adam and the kids and the blessings that we have in our life; and that's a great day in my book.

Merry Freakin Christmas

2008-12-25T08:25:00.000-08:00

To the jackasses who bought the Little Tykes basketball hoop/set before us and then felt compelled to take the toy out of the box, fill the box with your cigarette-smoke-smelling trash, and then return it to the store so that I could unsuspectingly purchase it for my son for Christmas ... screw you!

I don't know if I should be more angry or sad, but either way I want to march into Toys R Us and rip the first employee I see a new one. Or just burst into tears and start wailing about how they ruined my and my family's Christmas.

Thinking of the "season", I'm trying to be a good person by thinking about how fortunate my children are that they have numerous new toys, books, movies, etc that they don't really notice that they can't play with this one specific gift. And I know that I as a parent would do almost anything to give my children anything they want and maybe the actual toy brought incredible joy to a child that would normally not get a Christmas/birthday/whatever present.

Or maybe they are just jerks. (I really, really want to curse, but since my mom reads my blog, I'm using more PG language).

But now as I look back at the pictures from my parents Christmas last night where I see Joel so proudly pushing his huge, wrapped present into the living room to unwrap, the pictures of Alyssa and Joel sitting in front of the unwrapped box in awe and excitement at getting to play with a "real" basketball hoop, its tainted for me. Instead of seeing the excitement and innocence and happiness of my kids when I look back on those pictures in years to come I'll remember the confusion, anger, and eventual sadness that came when I actually opened the box up. I guess some things are better left unopened.

I already have proclaimed that I hate shopping at Toys R Us. It seems like I have never had a good experience with them - rude employees, false advertising, the list goes on. I am already dreading the process of taking this gift back.

Wishing I could clone myself

2008-12-21T05:11:00.000-08:00

I can't remember the last time I felt this queasy/nauseous. Last night Eric and Hope came over for supper/Wii playing, which was oodles of fun, but about 20 minutes before they left I started feeling very "gurgly" in my stomach. By the time I went to be I was shaking violently, so I'm assuming that I was running some sort of fever. I don't think I really fell into a deep sleep and was up about every hour for a trip to the bathroom. Then about 4 this morning (I think) I found out that Adam had been up several times to throw up. I am sooo thankful that I haven't thrown up, I'll take the "other end issues", although part of me does wonder if I would feel better if I did throw up.

I don't think I'll experiment.

So here's my dilema ... I'm supposed to work from 12 - 4 today. 1. I'm not sure if Adam will be able to take care of the kids. 2. I cannot even think about food without wanting to throw up and/or my stomach starts cramping violently. Probably not going to be a good shift trying to sell Omaha Steaks products. Although it is getting late enough in the season that probably a majority of what I'll be doing will be track packages.

So - I go in and suffer through it - although I don't know if I can be away from the bathroom for the 20 minute drive in. Or I cross my fingers and hope that what I have is a 12 hour thing and I'm feeling immensely better. And then there's always the "can Adam handle the kids while he's sick" option. Or I don't go in ... but then I lose my attendance bonus (an extra $1 an hour for all the hours I've worked in the last 3 weeks) and I wouldn't be eligible for the rehire bonus next year, which would be mean that I would be out that $200 and would have to do a week long training again if I wanted to work there again. So just by not going in today for 4 hours, I would be out probably around $300. Talk about your rock and a hard place.

If only I had a cloning machine.

Snow day thoughts ...

2008-12-19T07:18:00.001-08:00

I was very glad to get the e-mail last night that Alyssa didn't have preschool today so that I didn't have to venture out in the world this morning. I feel like all I've been doing this week is running in 15 different directions and I'm ready for some down time.

I've been feeling slightly guilty about my lack of blogging lately. I don't have a whole lot to say, but here's a few thoughts for today.

First an adorable story about Joel, though. His newest thing is that if you say "Who wants to _____" when he's within earshot, he'll immediately yell "ME!!!". Who wants to sleep with Lexi? Joel! Who wants to go potty with Alyssa? Joel! Who wants to take a bath? Joel! Who wants to do the dishes? Joel! Until last night when I asked "who wants some veggie pizza?" and heard a very loud and firm "NO!" coming from my sweet little boy. We tried every variation of the question trying to get him to say "Me!", but as soon as they boy heard the word "veggie" he was not having it.

And now for snow day thoughts:
1. I picked the wrong day to volunteer to scoop the driveway. I figured it would be an easy way to get my cardio in for the day, but damn ... two inches of ice followed by 2-3 inches of snow does not make for easy drive way cleaning! Thank goodness for next door neighbor Robb and his arsenal of ice chipping tools or I would have been out there for hours!
2. Today marks the first time I have had the opportunity to bundle up two kids in their new snow pants and boots and an odd assortment of coats, mittens, hats, etc ... I wish I could way a magic wand and cut down on the actual "prep" time.
3. I want new boots. Should have added that to my Christmas list.
4. The neighbor kids have an inflatable sled. That's so much cooler than the circa 1985 red plastic sled that my kids inherited from my youth.
5. I hope that playing outside this morning wipes my kids out so that they'll take a looonng nap this afternoon. Now I've probably jinxed myself and it will give them some strange super-energy.

Basement Project 2.0

2008-12-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

This section took more than just an afternoon; more like one afternoon and one morning. I would say that I've now tackled probably about 1/2 the basement. Feels really, really, really good to be able to look at before/after pictures and see my progress. And I wanted to post these so that my mom knew that I was still working on it even though she isn't here to crack the whip. ;)

Only "bad" part is that now I really have the "finish the basement" itch because I'm starting to be able to imagine what it would be like to have real walls, flooring, rooms, etc. Just need about 10K to drop out of the sky ... that's not too much to ask, is it?

Warm tummy, warm heart, and a new tradition

2008-12-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight we loaded up the kids in their jammies in the car (with new fleece snowflake blankets toasty warm from the dryer), picked up some hot chocolate from Starbucks, and drove around looking at Christmas lights. Joel was highly impressed - he "ohhhhhhhhh"ed all around town. Alyssa had fun, too. She loved pointing out the different Santas; we'll see how she feels about the "real deal" next week at the mall. I had a great time, too - my tummy is warm from peppermint hot chocolate and my heart is warm from creating a special memory with the people I love most in the world. My hope is that it will become a yearly tradition.

PS ~ Dee, you GOTTA take your kids to see the house in the picture ... they have every Christmas character you could imagine, plus several non-Christmas ones like all the Sesame Street gang (aka big yellow duck or whatever it was - ha!), every inflatable you could think of, and lights that are coordinated to Christmas music on a radio station. Its awesome!

I missed the memo

2008-12-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

That says that you should always have one arm posed above your head when having your picture taken ...

TMI

2008-11-30T11:12:00.000-08:00

I am so tired of sneezing. My stomach hurts.

I am so tired of peeing a little every time I sneeze. The joys of having a bladder that has been beaten by two growing babies.

I'm going to go blow my nose now.

Amazing

2008-11-30T11:08:00.001-08:00

Since Alyssa started preschool she's been saying things that seem completely out of the blue that I'm sure she's learning at preschool. And each time it makes me stop dead in my tracks and think "Seriously? Did MY little baby girl just say that?". And then it makes me a little sad that she's turning into my big baby girl ... because even if she protests that she's not a baby, she's a big girl, she will always be my baby.

A couple examples from the last couple weeks -

When my mom was over helping me sort through the toxic waste that is/was our basement Alyssa was playing with Joel on the other side of the basement happy as a clam. All of the sudden we hear her start reciting the pledge of allegiance. Just out of the blue. Word for word. (pretty much). How did this happen!?

This morning she got her first glimpse of our fully lighted Christmas tree (the tree was only about 1/2 lit when she went to bed last night). She swooned over it and then turned to me and said, "Oh mommy, I wish we had a piano right here! *gestures to the area next to the tree* Then we could sing 'oh Christmas tree, o Christmas tree'".

Isn't she adorable?!

Sick

2008-11-29T16:38:00.001-08:00

Our whole family is a sniffling, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, snotty mess. Who wants to come visit?!

Adam has been battling this cold/sinus infection/whatnot the longest, I think. Well over a week. Yesterday he said that he was feeling better, so I hope he's on the mend.

Alyssa has been sniffling, coughing, etc for several days now, but its just been the last 24 hours or so that she's really started complaining about not feeling well. Of course that could be in part to several days of not napping and not sleeping through the night which makes her a little more "emotional" that usual.

Today is the first day that I've felt really crummy. The kids have been getting up multiple times at night, which I think is catching up to me. Last night they were up about 20 minute apart - just enough time for me to finally settle down and fall asleep from getting up with Joel and *tap, tap, tap* comes Alyssa. I'm hoping that some Airborne and chilling at home will make me feel better quickly.

And now we get to my "problem" child. Although he's not really the problem. Wednesday morning I noticed some "crud" in Joel's ear, but I couldn't tell if it was crud that had come out or crud that had drained out of his nose/mouth during the night and dried in his ear. After his afternoon nap, it was pretty evident that it was coming out of his ear, which is a surefire symptom of an ear infection. Of course ... at 4PM the day before Thanksgiving. I called Dr. K's office to see if they would call in an Rx for him or if we should just take him to the after hours clinic that evening. The nurse called back with instructions to start ear drops and then bring him in on Friday if he seemed worse/didn't get better and they would get him on some oral meds. He was obviously not getting any better, so yesterday I called Dr K's office and got the answering service - they informed me that the office was closed. Great. But they have a children's urgent care within the same office during "off" hours that was supposed to be open from 12pm - 10pm yesterday. No problem. So off Joel and I went to urgent care #1. Their lighted sign said open, the sign on the door listing hours said that they should be open, but their locked door made me think otherwise. So back in the car to head to urgent care #2, which was actually a "quick care" clinic inside the grocery store. There I was informed that even though we arrived an hour and a half BEFORE they were supposed to close, they had too much paperwork to catch up on from patients earlier in the day, so they were refusing to see any more patients. Beautiful. So finally on to urgent care #3. Third time was a charm. We had to wait forever (it seemed) in the waiting room, but within 5 minutes of the doctor coming in she declared that Joel had a sinus infection, bronchitis, and a possible ruptured ear drum from an ear infection - the tube is no longer in place in that ear, so either the hole from the tube hadn't healed over yet or the ear drum ruptured. My poor baby. This whole process took about 3 hours.

Black Friday shopping was a cake walk compared to trying to get medical attention the day after Thanksgiving.

Afternoon project

2008-11-20T06:38:00.000-08:00

At 2 PM yesterday afternoon, our basement looked like this ...

3 bags of donations to the humane society, 4 garbage bags and a box of donations to Goodwill and 3 hours later ...

Pretty impressive, huh? Probably only about 15% of the basement, but its a start! My wonderful, fabulous, spectacular mom came down to lend an extra pair of hands, bought us two new shelving units, and helped supervise the kids, which helped SOOOOO much. She's the awesome-est.

I'll post more before/after pics as we continue our quest to organizing!

this sums it up ...

2008-11-16T17:38:00.001-08:00

My mom e-mailed me a quote that she read yesterday in the newspaper ...

"Face it, 4-year-olds are lovable but self-centered, impulsive and prone to meltdows."

Amen.

Good to know my 4 year old is up to par.

My kids are cute - weekend edition

2008-11-16T15:39:00.000-08:00

Last night Adam's parents and his older brother, Ben, came over for supper. I "made" Omaha Steaks burgers for everyone (taking advantage of my employee discount already ... employee discounts make me happy; I've never had one before. I wish I could get a mommy discount). We also had Omaha Steaks chocolate molten lava cake for dessert. And yes, it was as good as it sounds. After supper we decided to play a rousing game of YAHTZEE!. Joel had such a blast shaking the dice up and rolling them. Almost every time he would dump them out he would yell "hey-yah!" and then look around expectantly waiting for us all to start cheering for him. Made it really hard to be disappointed when he rolled exactly what we DIDN'T need. And he could really use a lesson on either shaking less violently when the dice are in the cup or putting his hand over the top so that little dice-missiles don't come shooting out from his direction. But the boy had fun and we had fun watching him.

Just a little bit ago Alyssa asked me to come look at a picture she was drawing - here's how that conversation went:

A: Mommy, guess who this is!
M: You tell me ... (thinking it looked a lot like a tree trunk with a circle on top, but I could identify eyebrows on the circle. But that doesn't narrow things down very much.)
A: *as she's adding smaller circles on top of the big circle* I'll give you a hint ... who wears curly hair? (I love how she says "who wears curly hair" like you can take it or leave it)
M: Ummmm ... Alyssa?
A: Yes! Its me!!!

I *knew* those eyebrows looked familiar.

Working for the man

2008-11-12T08:34:00.001-08:00

Finally have a few minutes to get some thoughts out about my new gig. For anyone who doesn't know, I'm working part time at Omaha Steaks throughout the holiday season.

Monday night was my first night of training. My basic reaction to it:
1. A bit intimidated and a bit overwhelmed by all the information that was being tossed my way.
2. I feel like I now know more about the "behind the scenes" side of steak than anyone ever really needs to know.
3. Angie - I thought of you when they flashed a sample of the employee ID badge up on the power point screen and the employee was Chris Klein. Evidently he worked there before he hit it "big". I don't know it was his actual ID badge; looked very "head shot"-esque.
4. I really didn't feel like I belonged/could related with anyone in my training group becase:
a. I'm not looking to collect social security in the next 5 years or so
b. I'm not a chain smoker
c. I'm not on parole.
d. I can legally purchase/drink alcohol.
I kind of expected to see more of the SAHM crowd there.

Tuesday night was better. I kind of made a "friend". Or at least found someone nice to chat with during down times and do role playing exercises with. I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed and intimidated, but I hope they are leaning more towards "over-training" us (probably not going to get a lot of people calling in to make 4 changes to their orders/accounts).

I'm having a hard time going to sleep at night because I feel so wired. I really think part of it is that my brain isn't used to working very hard. Once I *do* finally fall asleep within 15 - 30 minutes the last 2 nights Alyssa has showed up next to my bed. She doesn't need anything/nothing is wrong, which puts me in a crabby mood. I don't know if part of her just wants to make sure that I'm home or if she's just trying to drive me crazy, but "mean Mommy" is usually the one marching her back to her room. And then last night Joel woke up crying a few minutes after I finally fell asleep after getting up with Alyssa. Thankfully Adam took my crying into my pillow as a sign that he should get up with Joel. Or at least I think he did ... either way he got up. I've tossed around a few ideas to help with my "sleep issues".
a. semi-wake Alyssa up when I get home ... lay down with her for a few minutes and start her "pooh songs" over so that she knows that I'm home if that's what is waking her up/bothering her. Because she usually just wails that she wants me to lay down with her.
b. hit the gym to burn off nervous energy and try to calm down my mind ... but even if its open late enough I probably wouldn't see Adam at all.
c. take a sleeping pill ... or maybe just drink heavily when I get home. I like that thought. ;)

Stay tuned ...

Halloween from our house (and from Paula's house)

2008-11-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

Joel was not real impressed with the whole Halloween business ~ even with the candy!

Ready to hit the streets

Speaking of hitting the streets ... Paula and I dressed up as beauty queens for her family's annual Halloween party that I flew to Raleigh for. A few comments:
a. You can't tell it from the pictures, but Paula's is sporting a baby bump and some "enhanced" knockers for her role as "Miss Leading"
b. There's a purple lollipop in my hair, 5 year old Jessie (seem bottom right corner) did my make up, and the black "thing" above my eye is a false eyelash that was put on crooked. I think the other one that fallen off by then. I also had bandaids all over my body and Paula's kids kept asking me what happened to me, which was pretty cute. I think they think I'm crazy. ;)

Things that make you go, "Awwwwwww!"

2008-11-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

This morning when I picked Alyssa up from preschool we were looking through her papers in her bucket per usual. The past couple weeks they've been working on a "tell me about your picture" art series where they paint something and then her teacher will write the title or description on the paper. Alyssa brought her picture home a couple weeks ago that was titled "a rainbow", so I was surprised to see another picture in her bucket titled "A princess for Alyssa". Are you ready for this? Her little "friend" Gary painted it for her! Is that not the CUTEST thing ever?! She's decided that she wants to hang Gary's picture up in her room. Gary trivia for anyone who has heard: He was her first friend that she started talking about at preschool and now she talks about Gary all the time. After helping out at the Fall Festival last week I can see how the kind of light up when they're around each other - kind of makes me want to lock her in a tower for the next 20 years, frankly.

All together now: "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww".

Raleigh 2.0

2008-11-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

Its after midnight here in North Carolina and I'm wiped out, but can't sleep because I'm feeling guilty and wish I could beam myself home because maybe then I would be able to avoid this horrible panic attack that seems to be bubbling under my surface.

I'm trying to figure out how to answer the question "How was your trip". As a whole, from the surface, it was great ... I had a fun time dressing up for Paula and Kirk's Halloween party and getting to meet more family and friends. I had a wonderful time chatting with Paula in the hot tub afterwards - especially after she shared her theory that she thought a single guy friend of hers was trying to figure out if I was single. Nice to know that I might still have a little fraction of "it". This morning we did a beautiful hike through the woods surrounded by fall foliage, fed ducks/geese at the lake, and played with the kids at the park. After an afternoon nap Paula and I went out with some more of her friends to see a movie and to a nice restaurant for supper. More hot tubbing tonight and shopping on the docket for tomorrow. Pretty great, right?

Except I feel awful. I feel guilty for leaving in general and leaving Adam alone with Alyssa and Joel. I feel like I don't deserve to have taken this trip or to take time for myself. I feel sad/guilty that I had the opportunity to read bedtime books, tease, watch TV, chase around, swing with, play with someone else's children and I feel like I can't remember the last time I did that with my own kids. Its not *really* that bad, but this weekend has made me realize how much I am struggling with my life. How much I can't handle holding it all together - the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, being a good wife, being a good mother, keep some small bit of my own identity. I'm the homemaker... that my job. But Adam is there to co-parent; to be the one to read books, play games, cuddle with the kids, so while I'm desperately trying to keep my head above water, the "fun chores" get passed on to him.

But I digress ... the voice in the back of my head is reminding me that "everyone" says that I'll be a better mommy/wife for getting away. That its good for Adam, Alyssa, and Joel to be on their own without me because they'll appreciate me more and realize that they can survive without me (at least for a couple days). The voice is encouraged by the memories of everyone I shared my weekend plans with saying some version of "good for you!" Well, maybe not everyone. Just when I started feeling okay ~ feeling like Christi - not mommy, not hon, not Miss Christi, just Christi again, I heard another voice. The voice of one of the people I love most in the world. A voice across a phone line that was struggling and it makes my heart hurt. And then comes the guilt. The "what the hell are you doing - you don't deserve this, You are a selfish, selfish person and you are just running away from your responsibilities. Grow up. Be a better person. Think about other people."

Leave it to me to screw up a weekend away by making it make me feel worse than I did before I left.

*I wrote this late Sunday night/early Monday morning, but couldn't get in to blogger from Paula's computer, so hence the wacked out time line if you notice that kind of stuff. *

I think I'm in denial

2008-10-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

I don't think its really hit me that in less than 12 hours I will be heading to the airport to fly to Raleigh. Its almost 10PM and I haven't packed a thing yet. But I have a list! And I printed out my boarding pass. And I plugged in my cell phone to charge it. I'm starting to feel a bit of sadness at the idea of leaving Adam and the kids even if its only for a couple days. I know it'll be good for me and for them, but its still hard to leave. Remind me of how I feel tomorrow at this time when I'm living it up in Paula's hot tub. ;)

A little Halloween sadness today - I was searching for the kids' plastic pumpkins for trick or treating and came across Joey's Halloween costume. I clearly remember putting her in it for her first Halloween and I clearly remember putting her in it last year for her last Halloween, but the ones in between are fuzzy. Kind of ironic, isn't it?

Wishing I could be a cold, heartless, bitch when it comes to daycare ...

2008-10-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

When it comes down to it, I do love my daycare. Its something I've always wanted to do and when I'm not stressing about being taken advantage of and how to please everyone else I do enjoy it. Things are a little shaky with a family of mine that only comes Thursday afternoons, so just on a whim I put an ad out on craigslist offering daycare openings. I put in there that I was hoping to fill positions after the new year, but would possibly be able to do a more immediate opening. I honestly wasn't expecting to hear from anyone - or if anything get a random call a few weeks from now, but lo and behold I got a call this morning. From someone who wants to start next week. Yikes.

Its a chaotic schedule and my gut says that it won't work because there are a lot of weeks that they need care on two of the days that Alyssa is in preschool. One day I could probably swing by having Adam drop her off and go in to work late and his mom pick her up and bring her home or ask one of our neighbors to help out, but I know I can't do two days a week. Plus I like being a familiar figure at her preschool and being involved in the pick up and drop off process.

BUT ... its an awful situation and I feel so bad for the woman that called me. Her sister just passed away of brain cancer and she and her husband are getting custody of her 2 1/2 year old nephew ... I immediately want to bend over backwards and help this family that I've never met even though it probably means a lot more stress and anxiety for me. But on the flip side, it means more money for me, too. But can you put a price on my mental well-being? Probably not ...

Craft time with Christi

2008-10-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'd been wanting to try my hand at making hair bows for a long time now ~ I think I bookmarked a web "how to" page a couple years ago ~ but finally took the plunge this afternoon. I think they turned out super cute and they were a lot easier to make than I expected. I didn't have enough ribbon to make a "knot" in the middle on the white ones, which I'm a little bummed about because I think it looks better with the knot, but live and learn!

Like what you see? I'm now taking orders for the holidays! ;)

Home sweet home

2008-10-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

This was originally going to be a funny blog entry about how I took my kids trick or treating in a bar in my hometown this afternoon ... there's just something really wrong about leading my kids up to a bar, right next to a group of rowdy adults who are tossing back drinks while watching a football game. Ahh, small town Iowa in the fall. ;) Today was the anual Harvest Fest in my hometown and one of the activies was trick or treating around the square. Almost all the other businesses had someone stationed at their front door handing out candy (or pencils with the company logo on it, but I won't get into that), but one of the bars downtown you actually had to walk all the way in to the bowels to get the good stuff. I kept joking that at least they could have had a tray of shots or something for the adults!

Anyway, the humor of the afternoon was pushed to the back burner by some special time with Joel tonight. He had just had a couple quick naps here and there, so by bedtime he was in full on screaming nothing-is-ever-going-to-be-right-again meltdown mode. I decided that I would toss him in the car and drive around for a little while since he's one that easily falls asleep in the car. So off he and I went into the night. I ended up driving by several places I hadn't thought about in years. Homes of old friends, homes of kids I babysat for, places where I played ... I can't really explain it, but it was really soothing to me to have that drive tonight, too. It was almost like I stepped back in time 10+ years to where I didn't have any cares ... didn't have anywhere to go on a Saturday night ... just drove where the wind blew me. It was peaceful and calming and most importantly, it put Joel out like a light.

Feeling sick ...

2008-10-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

but not ill sick, more like a "I just made a mistake" sick. My mom came to town today because she needed to do some shopping. I had a 20% off coupon for Children's Place burning a hole in my pocket, so we both got some "business" done. Although I'm not thrilled with the holiday outfits that I got for the kids, but that's another entry. We got home around 1 and I had been thinking about wanting to get my hair cut (trimmed, not drastically cut) before I headed out to Raleigh. So she offered to watch the kids while I ran out to get my hair cut.

I'd been thinking about doing the "angle" cut for a long time (where its shorter in the back and longer towards the front). It always seems like the back of my hair grows much more quickly than the sides, so I figured if nothing else it would even it all out eventually ... I don't think its going to be a good look for me. I feel like I just draws all attention to my neck/chin pudge that I've been feeling really self conscious of lately. I feel like it makes me look very "triangular" - narrow on top, wide on the bottom. Hopefully it'll be better once I wash it and style it myself, but for now I see a lot of ponytails and hats in my future. Very short ponytails because I don't have much length anymore ...

All mixed up ...

2008-10-19T18:16:00.001-07:00

Today has been one of those days where all I've heard from Alyssa is "why" and "I don't want to!". Joel has pretty much done nothing but cry for about 80% of the day ... including a lovely 2 1/2 hour stint from about midnight to 2:30 AM where he was just noisy and whiny. Not crying so that I felt I needed to go in and comfort him, but just enough that I couldn't fall asleep because of all the noise that would sporadically come through the baby monitor.

At about 7:45 tonight I found myself thinking "I can't wait for these kids to just shut the heck up and go to sleep". Probably not an uncommon thought among the parenting set. But then a little voice in the back of my mind reminds me how lucky that I am to have them ... arguing and crabbiness included. So then I started feeling guilty and decided to go in and rock/cuddle with Joel since he was having a hard time falling asleep. Of course as soon as I went in there he started screaming louder and gesturing wildly towards the door. I understand, Joel, that you do not want to be in your room and going to sleep right now, but your choices are mommy holding you or being put down in your crib. He continued flailing and yelling, so I put him down.

Now there is evil mommy who wants to go in there and scream "shut up and go to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - its hard to ignore him because you can easily hear him from any room in the house. Then there is nice mommy that wants to give in and let him come out and watch TV and cuddle in our bed for a few minutes. And truth be told, it would probably only take about 10 minutes of "downtime" with him and I in a room other than his and he would probably happily settle down to go to sleep. But then evil mommy interrupts my logical thoughts to remind me that its been one of those days and encourage me to just run away - far, far away. Talk about your power struggle.

Pumpkin Carving

2008-10-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

Eric and Hope invited us over for a "pumpkin carving party" with some friends of theirs from church. We all had a fun time - at least the kids and I did, and I think Adam did, too. Everyone else seemed like quite the seasoned professional carvers; one guy even had his own little mini-chain saw carving knife thing. Pretty impressive! Hope's pumpkin is on the left - presidential candidate John McCain. We had to leave before she did Barack Obama, but I'm anxious to see how he turns out because I think McCain looks awesome. Alyssa's pumpkin is the kitty cat on the right; I think he turned out pretty cute, too. But I may be biased since 98.7% of the carving was done by me. ;)

Tip to you early carvers out there ~ supposedly rubbing vaseline on the cuts will help preserve the pumpkins until Halloween so they don't shrivel up as much ... time will tell if its true or not!

Hope bought some Mr Potato Head type things that you could stick on pumpkins that Alyssa had fun play with while I was "scooping the goop" out of her pumpkin.

Helping me carve ... kind of.

Carvers hard at work

First round of pumpkins ... pretty cool, huh?

Weekend fun

2008-10-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

Lenka invited Alyssa for a playdate at "Boingz!" this morning. Alyssa had such a great time ~ I love the first picture; the look of pure joy/excitment on her face ... that's not a look I get to see very often. It took her a few minutes to warm up to the new environment, per usual, but before long she was running, climbing, bouncing, sliding, etc with the best of them. I had a great time watching her, chatting with Eric and Angie, and hanging out with my special little lady, Janika.

As years go by ...

2008-10-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

Inspired by one of my October '04 moms' blogs

1st birthday

2nd birthday

3rd birthday

4th birthday

Can you BELIEVE how much older she looks from 3 to 4?! Its like she aged at least 2 years ... did I miss something?

Working Woman

2008-10-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Most of today I spent at the Omaha Steaks holiday/seasonal job fair. I got offered a position in their "specialty sales" department ~ basically inbound sales without the upselling part (thank goodness). I'm excited about it and feeling a lot better about our money situation with the holidays coming up. On the flip side, I'm nervous about Adam having to be a "single dad" a couple nights a week, but I hope I can have things organized and put together enough to make it a smooth ride for him. And I keep telling myself its only 6 weeks ... we can do anything for 6 weeks. And if I decide to go back next year I get a $200 rehire bonus ($300 for year 3, etc) and the day I start I get a really great employee discount and if I complete the "season" its mine for an entire year, which is pretty cool. I think its safe to say everyone on our Christmas list should expect meat for Christmas. ;)

Happy 4th Birthday, Alyssa

2008-10-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Alyssa,

Today you turn 4 years old. That statement takes my breath away.

You are everything I could have asked for in a little girl. You are sweet, thoughtful, loving, smart, beautiful, creative, and funny. I love you so, so much. I'm so proud of you and I adore watching you develop, grow, and discover every day.

This fall you started preschool and so far you seem to really enjoy it. I can't believe how much you have learned and blossomed in your first month in school. (It does scare me a little, though, because it reminds me that you are growing up so fast). You can spell your first and last name (and you love to spell out S-T-O-P when you see a stop sign), are singing tons of new songs, have started "reading" books more vividly (holding a book and telling us a story based on the pictures), and just overall seem a lot more outgoing. You're starting to tell us more about your day and what you think of the world around you. I would say that you're very brave when it comes to physical feats - you mastered climbing along the top of the swingset by yourself, out of the blue, a few weeks ago. I guess you were tired of waiting for someone to help you across the monkey bars, so you decided to go over the top on your own. And I constantly find you jumping off/on things. But on the flip side you seem a lot more timid when it comes to social settings. You've definitely come a long way since starting school, but you still like to have a familiar "backup" when you're putting yourself out there.

Sophie is still your best friend, but you've started playing a lot more with the kids on our street the past couple months. You think you are pretty big stuff now that Jessica, Mya, and Katelyn are including you in their little posse. Braden, who lives across the street, has quickly become a favorite playmate of yours and you talk about Gary from preschool quite a bit.

You are currently taking your second year of dance classes, which are a favorite part of your week. You told me this week that your favorite "trick" at dance class is "butterfly arms". We were all so proud of you when you performed in your Christmas and spring recitals this year without any stage fright at all.

Some of your favorites include:
Movies: High School Musical and High School Musical 2 - I'm really looking forward to taking you to see the third one in the theater when it comes out in a few weeks.
TV Shows: Phineas and Ferb, Dora the Explorer, and Diego. My Friends Tigger and Pooh were a huge part of your life for awhile, too.
Color: Blue
Playing "chase" in the backyard with Daddy where he narrates your "tricks" and moves while you twirl/run/hop around the backyard and then he has to repeat what you did.
Doing your "homework", which consists of writing/coloring in a notebook and then cutting it up with scissors.
Books: Fancy Nancy (your birthday party theme this year). You are definitely a girly-girl and love dressing up, make up, and painting your nails.

You talk about your "kids" a lot. You don't seem to have a special imaginary friend, but you talk about "my boys" and "my girls" and what they have at their houses or where they currently are staying. Most of the time they are at Grandma and Poppa's or next door at Robb and Crystal's house.

We had to say goodbye to our sweet Pomeranian Joey this spring. I'm not exactly sure how much you understood of that whole situation. You still talk about her a lot and want to make sure that we remember that she's still part of our family, which I love, but I hope we've been able to explain to you that sometimes people/pets have to go away, but that its okay to miss them and to keep them in our hearts and memories.

You are a spectacular big sister. When I first found out I was pregnant with Joel, I was so worried that I would be cheating you out of something or that you would resent me for making you "share" Daddy and I, but watching you and Joel together warms my heart so much. I hope you realize how much he loves you and looks up to you. Especially the looks up to you part ~ you have a hard time understanding that a lot of the things he does that frustrate you are things he learned by watching his big sister. You definitely have a very nurturing side to you; when I would drop you and Joel in the childcare room at the Y you would immediately fold him into your arms for a big hug when he started to get sad about me leaving. You do a great job thinking of him and trying to include him in whatever you're doing - most of the time.

Overall, peanut, I am just madly in love with you. I'm totally in awe of you. And I wish you all the happiness and love in the world because you are an amazing little girl.

Love always,
Mommy

Misc birthday eve thoughts . . .

2008-10-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

In about 2 hours it'll be 4 years since I woke up to my broken water ... wow. Its funny that I can still remember making meatloaf for Adam 4 years ago tonight (I've only made it about twice in our marriage, so maybe that makes it more memorable, too), I remember him talking to his Aunt Nancy on the phone while I was on the elliptical machine (I did 30 minutes) and she predicted that I would go into labor that night.

This year marks the first October 12th since 2004 that my good friend Angie or I hasn't been pregnant (that we know of ...). She was pregnant on Alyssa's 1st and 3rd b-days and I was pregnant on her 2nd. You can tell that its "my year", but I'm hoping that we've passed the torch on to my friend/neighbor Sherry. Of course we have another neighbor that just told me that she's pregnant, so maybe we'll bring her into our "circle". Or maybe the tradition will just have to die. ;)

Happy Alyssa's birthday eve!

Oh, she's good.

2008-10-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

Alyssa's bedtime routine usually consists of Adam helping her brush her teeth, go potty, get jammies on, then reading her books. Then I finish out the evening by laying down with her for a few minutes before she's off to dreamland. Well, the past couple weeks she's been arguing with me when I tell her that I'm leaving then she'll kick and hit and squirm as I try to give her kisses and hugs. I usually start walking out and then when she starts wailing for me to come back, I'll go back and give her the kisses, hugs, etc. I'm such a pushover when it comes to bedtime; I would rather be all lovey dovey than a hard ass. But last night I put my foot down. When she argued and fought, I told her goodnight, blew her a kiss, and shut the door and didn't look back. She came out begging and pleading for me to come back in, but I told her that I was tired of her arguing and fighting with me and that she would get another chance tomorrow night.

Fast forward about 2 hours and Adam and I hear her crying hysterically in her room. We both rush in and I lay down to cuddle with her. She went right back to sleep, so I didn't get a chance to find out what was wrong, but this morning I asked her if she had a bad dream. She said she had, so I probed to get her to talk to me about it. At first she said she didn't remember. But then the "lightbulb" came on and she told me that it was that I wouldn't give her hugs and kisses. Ouch. I didn't completely understand if she was dreaming that I wouldn't give her hugs and kisses or if she thought she had bad dreams because I wouldn't give her hugs and kisses, but either way, ouch.

There goes me feeling proud of myself for sticking to my guns.

I believe in magic!

2008-10-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

Magic Erasers, that is.

Take one 20 month old boy named Joel, one black sharpie marker, plus a wood floor ... need I say more? 4 lovely, large black scribbles ... and the magic eraser erased them all.

And an extra shout out to our good friend "Little Green" for getting black sharpie out of the playroom carpet that was an innocent bystander as Joel attacked the entry floor with his artistic ways.

Boys.

14.5 hours ...

2008-10-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

is how long Joel has been sleeping. Since about 7 last night and still going strong. I keep checking on him and he looks so peaceful ... I'm a little jealous.

I guess being so stinking cute is tiring. ;)

Weekend Project

2008-10-05T17:52:00.001-07:00

I don't know why, but I decided to paint the long wall in our kitchen this weekend and add a glaze/faux finish to it. Probably because I had nothing better to do and its so much fun to do those kinds of things with a 4 year old and 20 month old under foot.

Anyway, last night I spent 4 hours painting the wall a soft buttery-yellowish color that I "customized" from a bright yellow that I used in the bathroom and some brown/gold craft paint that I had laying around. About 1/2 way through painting I started crossing my fingers that I would have enough ... which I did.
* Lesson 1 - Get over fondness for 4 inch rollers on big walls. They turn the project into a much bigger project. Learn to love full sized ones. In this case, size does matter.

This morning, figuring that the glaze process would be pretty quick, I decided I would finish up the wall, clean everything up, and be on my merry way. Not so much. About 6 hours later I finished.
Lessons learned from working with glaze
* I should have tinted the whole gallon of glaze or at least a lot more than I originally did. I kept remembering Adam's mom saying that a little glaze goes a long way, so I started out by mixing it in a pie plate-type container. I think I did this at least 6 times during the wall and I think I kept getting a tad bit darker every time I mixed up a new batch, so I feel like the right side of my wall and the left side are drastically different. Thankfully most of the middle is open, so I don't think its too noticeable. And there's a lot of wall decor to be hung up and Joel's high chair hides most of one section of the wall.
* I don't know why I didn't think I could use a roller to apply the glaze. Putting it on with a brush made it a much longer process and I don't think it would have mattered that much.

Adam's mom (I blame most of the stress of the project on her because she's the one that gave me the glaze and tools yesterday morning) mentioned that she wanted to try a technique where you put your glaze on, then press a plastic sheet to the wall and then immediately pull it off for a unique finish. I thought that sounded like a cool idea, but didn't have plastic or want to attempt something that big on my own, so thought I would try plastic wrap.

I ended up using Glad "press n seal" and it turned out kind of cool. I bet the good people at Glad never thought of using it that way! I joked to Adam that it would be my luck that "Glad" or "press n seal" would be etched into the wrap somehow and I wouldn't notice until I stepped back to look at my wall and saw my own personal billboard.

Pictures to come once I get everything hung back up. I have an Uppercase Living piece that I'm going to hang near the entry way and want to paint the frame of one of my pictures before I hang it up.

Definitely a learning experience, but I've gotten the seal of approval from 3 female neighbors ~ one even wants me to come help her do it in her bedroom and I think the next time I do it I'll have a better idea of how to do it more efficiently.

Update from Alyssa

2008-10-05T08:09:00.001-07:00

According to Alyssa this morning: "Mommy, I'm going to call the pizza man. What do you want to drink? Hot tea?" *dials play cell phone* "Hello? Christi K____. Please some hot tea." *hangs up phone* "Mommy the man is coming, so don't worry. He'll be here in 5 minutes".

Okay then.

We've had pizza delivered once in the past 3 or 4 months and I rarely drink hot tea around her, so I'm not sure why/how this all comes up, but I love listening to her carry on "adult" conversations. Makes me realize some of the things I say consistently on the phone.

Now she's calling my friend Staci, aka Rowan's mommy, who's phone number is 5-4-3-2-1. She must have moved since I talked to her last.

New Gym

2008-10-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday after working out at the Y, I canceled my membership after finally deciding to join a gym closer to home. I figured out with our family membership, which was almost $60 a month (and Adam used it 5 times, I think, since we joined in February) plus gas to drive the 20 minutes there and back it was just ridiculously expensive. If I were to drive there 3 times a week, it would probably be close to $100 a month for our membership, gas, and childcare.

So this morning after dropping Alyssa off at preschool, Joel and I joined Fitness Premier. $20 a month and about 5 minutes from our house ~ can't really beat that. And an additional $15 for unlimited childcare for both kids. A few thoughts on the first experience:

Daycare:
* I am not impressed that they charged me a $25 processing/membership sign up fee for the childcare. The woman doing my membership didn't seem to know what she was doing, so I'm hoping that that was a mistake.
* The woman in the childcare room this morning would not pick Joel up. Evidently after talking with my neighbor who also has a membership there this is a characteristic of the woman's culture as she is from another country. Quite the change from the Y where as soon as we walked in, the childcare workers would both welcome him warmly and make room on a lap/in arms for him until he was comfortable. Shaking a toy at Joel and saying "Look, Joel, look ~ you want to play with this?" just doesn't sit well with me as a way to help him adjust and feel comfortable.

So I think that the gym will be "mommy time" and I don't foresee taking the kids very often. I plan to cancel their unlimited "membership" and will just buy a punch card or pay cash when I do take them in. But I think that will work out okay since the gym is so much closer and I can easily run over there early in the morning or after Adam gets home without it taking 2 hours for my workout and travel time like with the Y.

In the 15 minutes I did get to work out before they paged me to come get my screaming, hysterical child, I was highly impressed with the treadmill with personal flat panel TV attached. Pretty nice way to walk!

I miss the "family" feel of the Y already, but you get what you pay for, right? And for now, that's the way its going to have to be. And maybe that's what I need to get my act together and get healthy.

Boo to you!

2008-10-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

While unloading my tub of Halloween decorations this afternoon, I came across my very favorite fall decoration. My inherited "pregnant ghost". My mom made a ghost for herself and for my aunt and uncle back in "carefree single days" and my cousin Jay named it the "pregnant" ghost ~ notice its "belly bump"? As soon as I see my ghost every year, I immediately think of my mom and then my thoughts go to my Aunt Pauline and Uncle Ross who both passed away entirely too soon. I also think of my Grandma Carlson, my mom's mom, who passed away around Halloween the year Adam and I were married. The evening of her funeral, Adam and I were invited over to my cousin Jay's house for a football party. It was really special to be able to spend the final part of a very sad and difficult day with my cousins, their families, and my Uncle Ross. It was this night at Jay's house that I noticed that he had also inherited a pregnant ghost that was proudly displayed on his fireplace mantle.

Every October this figurine makes me smile and makes me a little sad; it has a very special place in my heart and in my home.

I feel like a kid again ...

2008-09-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

because I DON'T WANNA CLEAN MY ROOM!!!

I got the closet organized/cleaned out. I got the bathroom picked up/wiped down/decluttered. But I just can't seem to quite bring myself to branch out into the actual bedroom. I know it'll feel so good to have it done and it REALLY needs it, but I can't help think that I might pick a root canal over cleaning my room. After all, with a root canal you just lay there in a semi-reclined position. Not such a bad deal, right? ;)

Thursday Cuteness

2008-09-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

Alyssa, Joel, and Sophie last weekend watching "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl" on Disney. Evidently its pretty intense. ;)

Alyssa came downstairs with her mouth all "stickered" up like this. I encouraged her to leave it for the rest of the day, but she wasn't sold on the idea.

A shout out to my homies/family back home ... John Deere and ISU; it doesn't get any better.

Its the little things

2008-09-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

After Alyssa woke up from her nap this afternoon, I decided to take advantage of the fact that Joel was still sleeping and do an activity that I'd read about on another blog ~ a paper chain countdown. The one I read about was for Halloween, but we did a combination birthday AND Halloween one. Pink and blue chains for the days until her birthday and then purple and orange for the days between her birthday and Halloween. Each morning she'll tear off a link to count down the days. I can't remember the last time she and I did something like that ~ it was really nice to sit on the floor working on something together while watching Phineas and Ferb and not thinking about what else I "needed" to be or "should" be doing. I was reminded of how the top thing on my list NEEDS to be and SHOULD be spending time with the kids because I'll never get these chances back ... there's always laundry to be folded or a kitchen to be cleaned up or toys to be put away. And I feel like I'm in such a better place after taking time to do little things with them, so why is it so hard to make it a priority sometimes?

Photography by Alyssa - Berry picking edition

2008-09-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

Alyssa got tired of berry picking fairly quickly, so she entertained herself by taking pictures with my camera. Here's a few of my favorites that she got.

Got Berries?

2008-09-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

Some pictures from berry picking yesterday. It was the perfect day to be outside and a fun "end of summer" activity. Maybe I'll try my hand at making jam next year, but this year I did make some really, really yummy raspberry white chocolate muffins. I thought they were awesome and the neighbors seemed to like them (although most of them were pretty drunk last night, so that might have something to do with it). Of course no one else in my family liked them, so I gave away or froze most of them.

Last night I realized that Alyssa was in fact telling us the truth when she said that there are THREE Alyssas in her dance class. 3 out of 13 girls are named Alyssa. I thought she was getting confused because there is another Alyssa at preschool, but no ... there are 2 other Alyssas at dance and 1 more at school. And here we thought that we were going with a fairly unique name. That's what we get for picking a name that wasn't on our "list".

Today they are having a pajama book party at preschool. The kids were all supposed to wear jammies and bring a favorite book. Alyssa was the third girl to bring in "Fancy Nancy". We should have tried to dig up "Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy" or something to be a little different! Glad I thought to put her name in the front of her book.

Stay tuned

2008-09-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

Amy mentioned tonight at the girls' dance class that she was planning on going to pick raspberries sometime this weekend. She said that she remembered that I said I was interested in going with her sometime (I don't remember this, but I do think it sounds like fun), so asked if I still wanted to go. Enter me getting all excited about the thought of being all domestic and making all sorts of raspberry jams and whatnot. As of the end of dance class she said she would probably want to go tomorrow later afternoon. Then we ran into her as Alyssa and I were walking around the block about 30 minutes later and she said that it might be later Saturday afternoon. Anyone want to take bets that Monday comes and I haven't picked any raspberries?

Coronado Island

2008-09-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

My last night in San Diego we ventured across the "big blue bridge" (trying saying that 5 times fast) to Coronado Island. We saw Hotel del Coronado ~ made famous by the Marilyn Monroe film "Some Like It Hot". It was HUGE and very intimidating. They wanted $80 in the gift shop for a polo shirt; I don't really want to know how much it costs to stay there.

You can see the skyline of San Diego in the second picture, which is across the bay.

San Diego Pictures

2008-09-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

A few pictures from our trip to San Diego. The first two are from when we took a cruise around the San Diego bay harbor ~ home of navy ships and where cruise ships dock. The next two are from Torrey Pines beach that we kind of stumbled upon the second night. I love the sunset one. And the one of my "surfer dude", of course. :)

San Diego day 1.5

2008-09-15T09:57:00.001-07:00

I wanted to say that it was San Diego day 1, but since we technically got here yesterday, I'll name it 1.5. Here some highlights (and for anyone who doesn't know, Adam is out here taking classes for work, so I decided to tag along for a couple days ... kind of a second honeymoon/mommy relaxation/hopefully make travel less stressful for Adam by not being alone trip).

* I had a really difficult time driving to the airport. I kept trying to make Adam talk to me about silly things so that I wouldn't think about leaving the kids. His solution was to quiz me on my multiplication tables. I got stuck on 64 x 64. :)
* Our flights went smoothly. Both were overbooked, so we weren't able to get seats together on the Denver - San Diego leg, but that was okay.
* Adam was very excited to see what kind of car we got at the car rental place; he was desperately hoping that they would mess up and give us a convertible or jeep or something ... we got a minivan. HOT DOG! Its a very cool minivan, though. The most un-mom-mobile like one I've ever seen.
* I was anxious to do the San Diego bay Harbor tour, so we decided to do that yesterday afternoon after we arrived. We missed the 2 hour tour, which I was bummed about (for $5 more you see the entire bay), but I decided that most of what I wanted to see was on the 1 hour south bay tour. Of course we missed the south bay tour, too. Bah! So we did the north tour, which was still nice, but about 75% of it was about the Navy ships. Cool, but not all that interesting to me. We did get some good views of Coronado island, though.
* I had the BEST clam chower (chowdah, as Jeff says) in a really long time at the San Diego Pier Cafe last night. Adam *almost* ordered samon, which is HUGE since he is a proclaimed hater of all things seafood (other than the shrimp appetizer at Upstream .. yum), but backed out at the last second and got a burger. We may get him over to the dark side yet this trip.
* We shopped/walked/had supper last night at Seaside Village at the SD bay. Really cute area.
* Today Adam is off to class.
* I finished my first book of the trip (3 more in my suitcase).
* Its about 70 degrees and sunny right now. Too cold to actually go IN the pool, but I think I'll put some shorts and a tank top on and head down with a new book and my iPod to get some fresh air.

And I'm sure you're all wondering ... I've only called home 3 times so far. :) Showing great restraint, don't you think?

Interesting thing is that San Diego reminds me a lot of my trip with my mom a few years ago to San Francisco ... which is strange because I've always thought that Northern California life vs Southern California is supposed to be radically different. Maybe its just that we spent so much time in the SD "bay" area yesterday. I think we're going to hit the beach later this afternoon, dudes, so stayed tuned.

Overkill?

2008-09-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

As I'm sitting here printing out my 10 page "instruction manual" for my mom and Mary to look over/review before leaving the kids with them tomorrow I have to wonder if its a little overkill. Is it a sign of today's society being routine and structure obsessed or is it just that I'm OCD and crazy?

I think when my parents left me when I was younger they tossed me and my duffle bag out the car door as they slowed down going past my grandparents house and yelled "don't call us; we'll call you". ;)

Accomplished

2008-09-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

This will seem boring to probably everyone, but I feel like I got A TON accomplished this morning while Alyssa was in preschool, so wanted to make a list.

1. Ran home because I forgot my cell phone and since Alyssa's not feeling the best wanted to be easily reachable.
2. Stopped by Dr. K's office to pick up forms needed for mom to take the kids to the doctor next week (not that she'll need them).
3. Borders to look for books for the trip.
4. Target to pick up basic groceries, food for football party tomorrow, and trip odds and ends.
5. Got gas.
6. Dropped off package and letters at the post office.

May not seem that impressive for mere mortals, but considering I had a 19 month old who HATES to sit in a stroller or cart or be buckled into his carseat more than twice a day, I basically battled a dragon ... and WON!

Tweet, tweet!

2008-09-11T20:07:00.001-07:00

My latest addiction is twitter. Do you twitter? If so, let me know and I'll follow you ... I will follow you, follow you where you may go ... anyway, my user name is ajmommy. And if you don't twitter yet, sign up! Its awesome! www.twitter.com

Therapeutic

2008-09-11T12:58:00.000-07:00

The other day I was listening to the radio and they were talking about the idea of writing a letter to someone who you felt had wronged you who you just couldn't quite seem to "forgive and forget". A letter listing your feelings, thoughts, everything that you really wish you could tell that person and then you're supposed to rip it up and throw it away. The twist this time was that the person explaining the exercise said that its not always a one time cure-all. Sometimes you have to write (and destroy) the letter again and again and again before you are finally able to get past it.

My twist on it ... I wish I could write the letter, watch the person read it, then wipe it from their memory so that I wouldn't have to deal with their response. I think that may be a sign that I have deeper issues. ;)

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.

2008-09-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, its not on fire, its being replaced, but man, does this process stink royally.

It makes me uneasy because there are a dozen guys looking in my windows that don't speak English (or at least don't speak very well).

Its loud.

I had this big, beautiful mum bush pop up out of no where this year. It was big and full and had tons of little buds on it and I was anxiously awaiting flowers to blossom to see what color it would be and add some life to the dead area that is our front flower bed. Its now about 70% flattened from shingles being tossed onto it. I realize that they probably have better things to worry about (like getting my roof put on before it starts raining), but it still makes me sad.

Its loud.

Of course Alyssa is using all the banging as an excuse to not nap. And she needs to nap today. She's getting a cold and was up early this morning and is extremely crabby. I wonder if she would let me put earmuffs on her to block the banging. I keep hoping that if I crank up her "pooh songs" loud enough and put them on repeat it'll drown out the banging.

Whoa, I think someone just fell off the roof. Probably landed on the last remaining 30% of my mums.

*disclaimer ... no one really fell off the roof; it was just really loud.

Its tough watching them grow up

2008-09-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

I was watching Alyssa sit naked at the kitchen table tonight while eating her fruity pebbles before bedtime and she turned around and said "I love you, Mommy". Just out of the blue. She does that a lot and I love it. This afternoon she started yelling at me from upstairs that I had to come up immediately because she HAD to tell me a secret. The secret was that she loves me. I don't think she'll mind me telling.

So tonight I walked over to her, kissed her on top of the head, and told her "Alyssa, I want you to stay my sweet girl forever, okay?". Her reply was "Okay, Mommy, I will. And Daddy's. And Joey's and Lexi's and Joel's and Sophie's". If only it were that easy.

And speaking of difficult things, I can't wrap my head around the fact that 4 1/2 days from now Adam and I are flying to San Diego. I really haven't even started thinking about packing or anything. Besides writing my mom and Mary the "Taking care of everything precious to us ... and Lexi" book.

Genius

2008-09-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

My boy, Joel, is a genius. Just in case there was ever any doubt.

This morning he found Addison's binky in the play room. He looked at it and then immediately made a bee line for the daycare cubbies. He pulled one purple one out, looked in it, and the put it back. Then he pulled Addison's cubby out and dropped the binky in it and came running back over to me. I didn't acknowledge that he had found her binky nor did I encourage him to go put it away. He's just that smart.

And now I think he's trapped himself under the little tykes picnic table again, so I better go rescue my little Einstein. ;)

Thank goodness Joel is a boy

2008-09-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

The kid can be sooo moody and prone to mood swings that I can't imagine what he would be like when he was PMSing, so I am INSANELY thankful that he's a boy. Or maybe its just that his big sister brings out the worst in him. Oy.

Overheard at daycare

2008-09-08T10:43:00.001-07:00

From an almost 4 year old after taking a big swig from a sippy cup of apple juice:

"mmmm, this is good beer. I love this beer."

I think I may have to mention that one to his daddy when he comes to pick him up today.

At least Alyssa didn't add "If you like beer, you should try some Boone's!". ;)

The power of observation

2008-09-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

I evidently have no observation skills tonight.

1. Adam and I are going out to dinner with some friends tonight, so I told Alyssa we could go get pizza for her, Joel, and Jessica (our babysitter). I sent Alyssa out the door with her shoes and told her to get in the car while I found my keys. Of course instead of getting in the car, she played around in the driveway until I came out. Per usual. And in the back of my mind I told myself that she probably left some toy behind my car and I should go check. But I didn't. Fast forward about 2 minutes and crunch went the sound of her scooter being smooshed by my big, bad SUV. And I'm not sure if I'm more upset at myself for not looking behind the car or mad at her for not listening to me and getting in the car when I told her to.

2. So she lost the chance to go get pizza with me and I made my way to the pizza place and picked up a $5 cheese pizza that actually cost me $5.94, which just seems wrong, but I'll ignore that for now. I got home and was looking at the "cheese pizza" with Alyssa only to notice that there was hamburger all over that pizza. Not a big deal because both my kids will eat hamburger, but now I don't know if I should be mad at myself for not checking the box or mad at the pizza guy for giving me the wrong thing.

I wonder if the Chinese place we're going to serves grown up drinks ... I don't think hot tea is going to cut it tonight.

A familiar face

2008-09-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

Last night Alyssa and I met Amy and Sophie at the mall for a little Friday night getaway. Note to self, there are some creepy people hanging out at the mall at 7:30 on a Friday night. Anyway, the girls were sidetracked as we walked by the calendar store by a display of "Hannah a'tanna!", so we decided to walk in and look at some of the calendars. I was immediately drawn to a Pomeranian one. *sigh* I held it up and asked Alyssa who the picture on the front looked like and she immediately gasped "Joey! Oh, its Joey!!!!!!" and tore it out of my hands to show Sophie. "Look, Sophie, its Joey! Joey!!!!". Sophie wasn't too impressed.

On one hand it warmed my heart that Alyssa still gets so excited over "Joey sightings" and that she obviously still has a lot of love for her, but on the other hand it makes me a little sad because I don't think she really gets yet that Joey is not coming back. Lately she's been talking a lot about her "girls" or "boys" (imaginary friends if you missed that post) being dead. They're usually "dead" at Grandma and Poppa's house or Robb and Crystal's house, so I don't think she entirely gets that Joey isn't coming back. But maybe that's okay. I don't know if I totally get/accept that Joey isn't coming back.